


Wrong Timing

by karmabb



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Bang Challenge, Canon Divergent, EreRi Big Bang 2017, Eren Yeager Is a Ray of Sunshine, Ereri Big Bang, Ereri Big Bang 2018, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hange Zoë & Levi Are Best Friends, Hange Zoë Being Hange Zoë, Hange Zoë Ships It, Hurt/Comfort, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is In Denial, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Really Character Death, Pining, Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Reincarnation, Sasha Being Sasha, brief mentions of armin and erwin, heavily implied, implied hanji x sasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-08 10:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13456629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmabb/pseuds/karmabb
Summary: Images flashed before his eyes... Something not a part of his current reality; however, they felt to him like missing pieces of a distant past....And then of course he remembered the day the 104th training squad's newly-graduated trainees joined the Survey Corps. Amongst the groups of toughened teens strong-willed enough to join the Survey Corps, one stood out to Levi.It was a young brat, with the most indescribably bright, colourful eyes ever - eyes that told Levi he had seen things, seen many things - and messy, chocolate brown hair. He stood in the salute, proud and resolved, anger mixed with only the tiniest traces of fear. His face shining with hope and determination that Levi soon learned would continue on, even in the most dire of moments.---"I haven't found anyone except for you because I hadn't been looking. And I don't intend to." Levi said that with a tone of finality in his voice, and Hanji took the hint.He had fully intended to keep things that way. But sometimes, life (be it your first or your hundredth) wanted to screw around with you. So obviously, he would have to find others.





	1. First Tick

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello hello to my dear readers! This work was for the [EreRi Big Bang](http://ereribigbang.tumblr.com/) challenge that I took part of (for the first time!!! aaaah!!!) I've been working on this for the past half year or so, and picked up a couple artists along the way! [@constant-catastrophe](http://constant-catastrophe.tumblr.com/) and [@vasaquafoxx](http://vasaquafoxx.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, go check them out and the artwork they did for this fic! 
> 
> [vasaquafoxx's art](http://vasaquafoxx.tumblr.com/post/170517866497/wrong-timing-by-ifidonthavetodoitiwont-life)
> 
> Hope y'all have fun reading!! This is also one of the longest pieces I've ever written and MANY THANKS TO THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED ME THROUGH THIS and listened to my long rants as I tried to plot stuff out, my stupidly stupid epiphany moments, and the vents as I grew increasingly frustrated at times. Y'all are amazing <333
> 
> Anywhooooo I've rambled on for long enough soooo... Without further delay, read on!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has been reincarnated into a more peaceful time, where he tries to live normally - well, as normally as he could with all those memories plaguing him. Memories of a painful past, as well as a boy whom he had loved with everything he had.
> 
> Oh, and it turns out it's not just memories that'll be plaguing him. Hanji will too.

The memories started trickling back to him slowly at first; a small leak in a big dam. He could have been writing a paper or taking a jog, eating breakfast or doing laundry, when suddenly the present world would fade away and snippets of another life would appear.

It was all really foreign and borderline terrifying for him to begin with (though to be fair, he never really got over the whole foreign ‘this should _not_ be happening and should not be an actual, possible thing’ part). Nightmares of man-eating humanoid beasts, cruelly and heartlessly ripping apart people right in front of his eyes; the only difference being that this all took place in the waking world, rather than the unconscious. Even though he didn’t recognize them, there was always a twinge inside his chest. A small and painful pull, twist, tug every time he witnessed someone die.

At first he figured that the feelings that accompanied these flashes were normal. These were ghastly, lurid hallucinations he was having, and it’d be rather abnormal to not feel anything. Yet at the same time, there seemed to be something a bit more to those strange feelings. Every time the blood poured out from another victim, every time someone else was crushed underfoot - he felt as if he were crying out their names internally. Trying and failing to reach out to them, because he didn’t know how to.

It was as if they were a part of him; as if he knew those people. But that couldn’t possibly be. It wouldn’t make sense - when would he have met them? He knew of none of them living in this life with him; and if they had simply been some passersby he had glimpsed on the streets, how would he explain the feelings he felt every time they appeared in these not-quite dreams? That wasn’t even beginning to mention those giant monsters - they couldn’t possibly exist.

He tried to shake off the strange feelings. These were dreams, visions, figments of his imagination. Nothing more, nothing less. He actually did a pretty good job convincing himself of that.

It was only later that he realized - and finally admitted - to himself that these were _memories._ The phantasms that had started off with little things - setting a bird free from what he recalled to be the Underground, eating together with people he couldn’t name at first in a big dining hall (the names later coming back to him) - and had quickly escalated into dreadful horrors; those were all memories. All very real and extremely palpable. He had seen too much, felt too much from the visions to deny them any more. He carried phantoms of the memories with him everywhere he went, unable to escape, unwilling to forget.

But then the dam broke. What used to be snippets and fragments of memories finally came flooding in, as one big lifetime, everything hitting him at once. He couldn't remember much from before being picked up by Kenny, but everything after that was clear as day.

He remembered everything. His life spent in the Underground, growing cold, detached, distant to everything because that was the only way to survive down there. Meeting Farlan, and in turn, Isabel - the two helping him regain some semblance of emotion. Escaping from the Military Police time and time again, making fun of them, only to end up being caught by Erwin Eyebrows Smith from the Survey Corps - the very person he had been hired to kill.

And then, somehow, in an inexplicable turn of events, the three of them had joined the Survey Corps. (In retrospect though, he suspected that the conniving Erwin had planned their joining the Corps for far longer than anyone realized. Not that he was complaining - it did him good in the long run. Isabel and Farlan though - not so much.)

He remembered the very first mission they went on together, and the very last. The days after that, filled with anger, resentment, and bitterness - all of it building up within him. The very reasons he worked so hard and became Humanity's Strongest. The very reasons he hardened himself, forbade himself from opening up and revealing what he had worked hard at to bury - and keep buried - deep, deep underneath.

And then of course he remembered the day the 104th training squad's newly-graduated trainees joined the Survey Corps. Amongst the groups of toughened teens strong-willed enough to join the Survey Corps, one stood out to Levi.

It was a young soldier, with the most indescribably bright, colourful eyes ever - eyes that told Levi he had seen things, seen many things - and messy, chocolate brown hair. He stood in the salute, proud and resolved, anger mixed with only the tiniest traces of fear. His face shining with hope and determination that Levi soon learned would continue on, even in the most dire of moments.

The teen's first in-the-flesh meeting with the corporal (and soon to be supervisor) was the beating at the courthouse. That was probably, by far, the worst - or best, who knows - first impression Levi could think of giving someone. Of course, Levi would never have thought for the life of him that the new recruit he had at his mercy in the courthouse would be the very one he would eventually allow to take over his life.

After the courthouse, he had been assigned the role of Eren's constant supervisor; while it wasn’t the best way he could think of to spend his days in the military, it wasn’t an idea he was particularly against. Though at first Levi had thought himself inadequate for something like this - and a bit unwilling. He didn’t need something so bothersome in his life again. Eren gave off the same feeling Isabel had, and if those two were anything alike, he was only setting himself up for the pain that came hand-in-hand with attachment.

Levi had learned the hard way that if you got close to someone, it only made partings so much more tough. He never voiced that out loud; that was a weakness, and as Humanity’s Strongest, he couldn’t afford to show weakness.

Maybe Eren realized how Levi had tried to protect himself. Maybe he knew that Levi didn’t want to hurt or get hurt any more than necessary. If Eren had known any of that, he didn’t show it. Nothing had stopped him from wiggling his way deeper into Levi's life.

From there on out, most of his memories seemed to revolve around that boy, Eren Jaeger. He remembered so many small details, even in his new life - things that he would usually stop himself from noticing, but he had noticed, and he remembered.

The way his face would light up every time Levi gave him the tiniest, gruffest of compliments. The way he would pout when Levi called him a brat, and talk back in a put-off tone that he “was _not_ a brat, how many times do I have to say that.” The way he would smile shyly back at Levi after he was thanked for completing a task nicely. The way he actually _listened_ to what Levi said.

Everything centred around the boy, and he seemed to make up Levi's world. There was no doubt that the him from the previous life held feelings for the younger boy - whether it be romantic or platonic, it didn't really matter. What mattered was that someone had even held that much importance in Levi's life, and that in and of itself was extremely unusual. Especially for his past self.

After re-experiencing his previous life in the form of memories, Levi had made it a general rule to not care too much for other people. He would be hurt more easily if he cared for and - dare he say it - loved others; this was a hard lesson learned after going through the deaths of Isabel and Farlan, and a mindset that he carried into the second life he was given. After the two of them had died, Levi couldn't remember caring for anyone else as much as he did for those two.

Besides Eren, that is.

Sure, he recalled being slightly fond of the ever-eccentric Hanji - though he would never have admitted that to anyone - and it went without saying that he respected Erwin in no uncertain terms, going so far as to allowing himself to place in Erwin a good amount of his trust.

But Levi wouldn’t go as far as to say that he _cared_ for them anything beyond the slight fondness, respect and trust. Levi hadn't allowed those two to worm their way into his life too far, and they understood his reluctance to let them fully into his heart. They had knocked respectfully - or not, in Hanji's case - to the door of Levi's heart, and respected his decision to keep them outside on the most part.

But Eren... He probably didn't understand what the words _privacy, personal space,_ or _alone time_ even meant to a person _._ He burst in on everything, uncaring as to whether the inhabitant behind the door wanted the company or not. No matter how many times Levi tried to barricade and lock the door, Eren would always find a way to break it down with that huge, blinding smile of his. He didn't merely _wriggle_ his way into Levi's life - Eren _broke_ into his life like a storm.

Levi both hated and loved Eren for that.

Levi hated Eren for ignoring his rules and doing whatever he wanted. Levi hated Eren for being so persistent, never really leaving him alone. Levi hated Eren for how bright, determined, and shining he could always be. Levi hated Eren for always being able to find his unguarded sides, making him feel - for once - self-conscious and uncertain. Levi hated Eren for being able to break into his heart.

And that was also why he loved the dear pest. Levi loved Eren for always sticking around. Levi loved Eren for everything he had done for his captain. Levi loved Eren for working so hard to find the little gaps and holes in his rock-hard demeanor. Levi loved Eren for always being that one part of his day he could always look forward to. Levi loved Eren for not giving up and continuously breaking into his life because he actually cared. Levi loved Eren because Eren had loved him.

Levi also remembered telling himself over and over again that this love would be impossible. After all, they were in the middle of a war with titans, for goodness' sake. They could all be eaten by a titan at any moment; even Humanity's Strongest and Humanity's Hope would have to fall down one day. If either of them died, the other would be left with nothing. If a relationship of any kind happened to sprout, the only result that could come from this would be pain. Pain, disappointment, fear and grief - Levi should know that, more than anyone.

Pain, whenever the other party got hurt. Disappointment, when Eren realized that Levi _wasn’t_ everything he made him out to be; when Levi couldn’t live up to his expectations. Constant fear of losing the other. Shattering grief when they _did_ lose the other.

It wasn’t so much that he was scared of feeling all those emotions again (he had made himself numb to it all, he was used to _not_ feeling anything now) so much so that he was scared of what he might inflict upon Eren. Levi himself had learned to shield himself, to hide and burrow deep within his own toughened outer shell. Eren, on the other hand, was everything _but_ shielded. He was open, vulnerable, expressive - everything Levi was not. Yet another reason to keep him far out of reach.

Levi remembered trying his hardest to keep the boy at bay, to ignore this not-yet love that he seemed to be developing for the teen. There was just so much that was _wrong_ with this feeling for this particular soldier that Levi wished with all his heart that nothing would come out of his feelings. Levi wanted to distance himself emotionally as far as possible from Eren. In return, he hurt Eren as much as possible.

Biting, derogatory remarks. Upping Eren’s workload. Giving him more punishment than necessary - even to the point of ridiculing his skills and trying to degrade him.

Those weren’t Levi’s best moments.

_“You insolent child, how many times do I have to tell you that you wipe the tops and sides of the cabinets as well, and not just the shelves? And what is this floor? Can you even call this clean? Are you simply incapable of understanding basic human speech and instruction?” Levi had spat out harshly at the sweaty teenager in front of him._

_He reprimanded himself at the thoughts that had begun to worm into his mind. No, Levi, don’t stare at the way the white shirt stuck to Eren’s sweaty arms and shoulders. Don’t even begin to think about how the shirt was almost translucent due to the rigorous work he had been doing. Don’t look up into the deep, deep pools of Eren’s eyes. Just don’t look at him. Don’t look at the disappointment, the frustration, the hurt on his face. Turn him away. Shut him out._

_After a slight period of silence, Eren straightened himself and crisply saluted - well, as crisply as he could in that tired form. ”Yes, sir! I’ll do it again. Would you like me to make some tea for you afterwards?”_

_Tch. No. He wanted as little contact with the new recruit as possible. How could he still remain so bright, so positive even after everything Levi had put him through? Levi himself knew that he was being difficult. Callous, ill-tempered (when was he not?) and malign. But he didn’t know how to stop. He_ couldn’t _stop, wouldn’t allow himself to stop - because if he stopped the only choice he would be faced with would be to love. And that was most definitely not an option right now._

_“...Whatever. You can bring it to my office later on, if you’re up to it. Just make sure it’s at least half decent this time.” No, no, no; Levi, what are you doing. Stop encouraging him, just let him leave you alone…_

_Levi saw Eren nod out of the corner of his eye before he turned sharply on the heel of his boots and left the room._

Levi had tried everything he could, but this just seemed to spur Eren on even more. The brat really was too darn persistent and determined for his own good.

Of course, this behaviour didn’t go unnoticed by both Erwin and Hanji - more than once, the two of them had tried to talk to him about it.

_Please, give Eren a break. What did he do to deserve this?_ Erwin would ask - not plead, Erwin never pleaded - and Levi would scoff.

_Awwww, c’mon Levi. You know it’s not good to suppress feelings. It’s pretty obvious that Eren likes you. A lot. I mean, he’s still sticking with you despite everything you’re putting him through. And you’ll only go on hurting both yourself and the poor boy if you allow this to continue,_ Hanji had told him with a knowing look. Levi had thought that it would only hurt more if he admitted to anything, but he didn’t tell her as much.

At any rate, he was Eren’s superior; Eren, his subordinate. He was older than Eren by a good amount of years, and Eren deserved better than whatever Levi could possibly give him. There had to be someone younger, better, brighter, more suitable for Eren.

It was only hero-worship; surely there wasn’t anything more than that to the looks Eren gave him, or to the way Eren would never leave him alone, or to the little things Eren would do for him. Things like taking extra care when making his tea so that there was just the right amount of sugar, or closing the curtains in Levi’s office whenever he noticed that the sunlight was right in Levi’s face as the captain did paperwork. Little things as such, that Levi refused to acknowledge. He refused to hope.

It was just a small crush - something that  would eventually go away.

It was just his own imagination - surely Eren was aiming his looks at someone else.

It was just Eren’s duty - there couldn’t be any other explanation for why Eren would do so much for the Captain.

It was just his job - that was the only reason he was constantly watching Eren out of the corner of his eye; he had taken upon himself the responsibility of constant supervision over Eren, after all.

It was just a sense of responsibility - nothing more than that to his constant worrying over Eren getting hurt.

Levi continued making excuses for as long as he could. But he knew it would prove to be futile effort.

In the end, it was Levi who ended up breaking first. He bent to Eren's will, accepted his love. Those were the happiest days of his life; spending his time with the one he knew he loved.

_“Levi, what took you so long?” Bright, shining, curious eyes looked down to meet harsh, sharp, guarded eyes._

_“That’s still_ Captain _Levi to you, soldier,” was the curt response. Eren had laughed outright at that._

_“Fine, you stingy old man.” Eren moved out of the way to avoid the flick coming towards his forehead. “But answer the question! Why did you take so long to finally listen to me?”_

_Levi had hoped to escape the question. Who knew why he took so long? Not Levi._

_He sighed. He decided to be honest - both with himself and with Eren. (Finally, after goodness knows how long.)_

_“I don’t know, Eren. I don’t know.” Levi brought a hand up to the back of his neck. “Maybe I was scared. Maybe I didn’t know how to listen. Maybe I thought I wasn’t good enough. Maybe I thought it was impossible. Who knows the real reason? Humans are complicated. I don’t understand any part of you. How can I, when I don’t even understand myself?”_

_Eren had seemed somewhat satisfied with that answer for the time being, bringing Levi into a hug and burying his face onto Levi’s shoulder. Levi had stiffened up, not used to this sort of display of affection._

_“‘M glad you finally accepted me, though.” Even though Eren’s voice was muffled by his shoulder, Levi could still make out the words._

_Levi allowed his arms to wrap around Eren’s torso in his first attempt at a hug._

Eren was the first one Levi had given a hug to. It was - by far - the most intimate thing Levi had done up until then, and a completely new experience.

There was no name or position in their relationship - they never specified whether they were friends, lovers, or more; and they didn't need to. There was no senior or junior, no captain or subordinate. They just _were._ They loved each other fiercely with everything they had left of their hard, battle-toughened hearts. It was fierce and burning, slow and gentle. They fought all their battles with and for each other, showing their love for each other in the only ways they, as soldiers, knew how to. Just hoping that they would live to see another sunset and sunrise, spend another day together.

And then everything was torn from them. At least they died together. Thank the heavens for having some mercy on the two of them - Levi wasn't sure how the other would have coped if one of them had died, leaving the other behind. They were as part of each as their own hearts were - and just as important and vital to each other as the heart was to the body. They died together on the battlefield, bleeding, in pain - and in love.

Here he was now, in this new life - a second chance given to Levi - and he didn't think he would be able to find this - _his -_ brat. After all, he hadn't met anyone else who had reincarnated from their time, and the world was so big that even if Eren was alive right now, he could be _anywhere._ That was even assuming that he had been reincarnated to begin with. Levi wasn't sure if he was the only one, or if everyone else had just been put back in different places or even different times altogether.

So in the second chance he was given, Levi lived a peaceful, normal life - as peaceful and normal as you can get with those memories, anyway - in a cozy little town, studying hard and doing all the normal things humans did in this timeline. There was a significantly less amount of blood and death, and a lot more stupidity. But he found himself enjoying it, nonetheless. It was a nice break.

Before the memories started coming (which was in his teenage years, when he was around thirteen) he had fun, fooling around with the boys in the neighbourhood and his friends. Even as a child living a normal life up to then, he had been slightly more distanced and reserved than the others.

He knew that many of his neighbours thought him to be slightly strange; born in the wrong time and era. “That Levi kid next door… don’t you think he’s kind of strange? Always so stiff and polite, there’s no way a kid is naturally like that.” “There’s something weird about him, something off.” “He has such a tough shell, like a soldier - it’s unnatural for a kid that young.”

And this was all before his old life had roughly slapped him across the face, leaving him branded with a mark that was irremovable, and yet still only visible to himself.

Of course, when his past life experiences came rushing in, this problem only became more evident, and he withdrew even more from relationships. At first, Levi thought himself to be crazy. No one he knew of remembered another life besides the ones they were living right then. No one else carried two lives - twice the pain - within themselves. The first life reminded him that the world was a cruel, cruel place, and Levi grew more and more to be like his past self without realizing it.

At the age of seventeen, Levi was almost as cynical and harsh as he had been in the world of titans. Almost as hard and apathetic as he had been before meeting Isabel and Farlan. The only difference was that this world had treated him better when he was growing up. Levi was born to a family of nice parents, who wished for his well-being more than anything. “Levi dear, maybe you can try to let loose a bit more - it’ll be good for you.” “Don’t take everything so seriously, you’ll only get hurt that way.”

As to be expected, though, his parents were convinced that his so-called ‘memories’ were merely dreams or nightmares; he didn’t tell them about these memories after the first couple of times they tried to persuade him that they were nothing. Just a phase, he’ll grow out of it; that can’t be real, Levi sweet, there’s no way those can be _memories_ ; don’t you think you should be studying instead of daydreaming, son?

There was no point telling anyone, anyway - it wasn’t like they had lived with him in those terrifyingly real memories. It wasn’t like they had experienced the chest-crushing pain of losing the ones they loved more than anything to human-eating giants. Levi didn’t blame them for not believing. If he hadn’t been the one living through it all, he himself would not have believed any of it. It was all too far-fetched, too surreal. But it was real. It was most definitely real.

Most of all, what was scariest was when the real, present world would give way to his past. His memories would surface from time to time after they had crashed onto him, and he would be caught in-between worlds. If he was working out at the gym, more likely than not he would get out of the memory only to find himself surrounded by people, chattering nervously and crouched around his unconscious form.

It was easier when he was at home - there, he could let the flashbacks take over without worrying about others seeing him, fussing over his ‘weak physical state.’ It was different if he voluntarily remembered something; he had control over those memories, and when they occurred. They were more or less normal memories, albeit from a longer time ago than normal humans remembered. How to explain it - it was like a trigger, per say. But sometimes without the whole _triggering_ part.

But ever since he had regained most of his memories, they would hit him less and less - and it became more of a voluntary thing whenever he remembered past events. That wasn’t to say that these crashes never occurred anymore; they just happened fewer and farther apart.

Levi tried to continue leading a normal life, despite having everything thrown at him and pressing down on him; graduating high school and going to the closest university in the area, majoring in history. He didn’t aim for anything high and spotlight-seeking - there had been plenty of that, what with the whole ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ and all that. He was tired of all the attention. Levi just wanted to be _normal_ , for once. He wanted to see what it would be like to work and live without the pressure of knowing that everyone was watching his every move, so to speak. Without the pressure of having to live up to some kind of expectation.

Maybe he would just become a history professor. His affiliation with reincarnation gave him a particular interest in the field of history - though it seemed that the era of titans had been so long ago that there was no recorded history of it. Or perhaps this was another world altogether that he had been placed into.

Looking back, Levi was glad that he had been given so much time to lead a more or less normal life before all the memories came crashing in. Though he slightly regretted it, too. That he didn’t take better advantage of that time. He had a chance to live normally, and he took it all for granted. The one time he could live without a broken spirit, and he had breezed through it all without giving it a second thought.

Though of course, he had hardened himself enough that it took almost the world to shatter his spirit. But Eren was his world, and in this second life he could remember Eren’s death clearly. So, so clearly.

The ravenette went on with a habitual university lifestyle, staying in his own little comfortable bubble. He did not bother searching for anyone, did not even allow himself to _hope_ for someone else to have been reincarnated.

That is, until he saw Hanji again. It was all a coincidence, of course. In the life preceding his current one, Levi had learned three things to always avoid: messes, titans, and Hanji after drinking. In this present life, Levi had learned to never go looking for three things: messes, trouble, and headaches. So of course he wouldn’t go looking for Hanji, who was basically those three things incarnate.

But fate being the way it was, loving to play with him, made it so that he just so happened to run into her one afternoon.

Needless to say, that was definitely not the highlight of his day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw y'all flashbacks will generally be in _italics_... Though not all italics are flashbacks?? Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments - man, especially comments - are EXTREMELY APPRECIATED. To those who comment - y'all are my new favourite people.


	2. Second Tick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our dear Hanji is introduced, and Levi contemplates many of his life decisions. Both from his previous life and from his current one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the shortest chapter - and still hard for me to write, because what even is dialogue again?

"Oi, you.” Levi gingerly poked the woman in front of him with one finger. (If this was who he thought this was, he didn’t want any more contact than necessary, since he was certain he would be getting more than enough later. And he was almost completely sure this was who he thought it was, otherwise he wouldn’t be confronting her.) 

The woman jumped slightly, looking around with a sort of expression as if asking,  _ me? _

“Yes, you with the crazy flying hair and the biggest glasses I've ever seen. What's your name?" Said woman turned to face him, with a huge grin on her bespectacled face.

"I'm Hanji Zoë, nice to meet you, mister!" Levi winced as soon as Hanji opened her mouth and started talking; she sounded like she just had five cups of coffee and three bags of sugar combined. Actually, knowing her, he wouldn’t be surprised if she had. All her sentences seemed to end in an exclamation mark, as if she was constantly excited about what she was saying. Yep, this was definitely Hanji.

Hanji suddenly pushed her glasses up a bit with her index finger, and took a closer look at him. A little  _ too _ close for his liking; Levi backed up a bit with a glare, still keeping careful mind of the people behind him. It annoyed him to no end that she made a point of  _ bending and looking down _ because yes, he was still quite short in this lifetime. There wasn’t much difference in height, and Levi swore against whichever being was in charge of height; they couldn’t have just made him  _ that much more taller _ , could they?

"Hold up, hold up! Are you, by any chance, Levi?! And to be precise, Levi Ackerman, peradventure?!" She continued staring at Levi in a fascinated manner - as one might stare at a slightly deformed, unique, or interesting test subject, perhaps - and leaning dangerously close to him once again. However uncomfortable Levi felt in this situation (can anyone feel comfortable when they were being stared at like this, and in such close proximity as well?) he did his best not to show any of the discomfort she was putting him through. He berated himself internally; why had he even spoken up in the first place and gotten himself into this situation?

Levi had been lining up to check out some items at a local grocery store when he had noticed the woman standing in line before him. Something about her had seemed very familiar - way too familiar for his liking - and his fears about this woman's identity were confirmed when he caught a glimpse of her face. Big, obnoxious hair. Equally big and obnoxious glasses. Even bigger and more obnoxious smile. 

Nevertheless, he still had to ask, against his better judgement. And now Levi was in the (very)  awkward predicament of having the attention of everyone in the checkout lanes while being yelled at by some crazy woman. He made a mental reminder to himself that if his brain ever thought something was a bad idea, it probably  _ was _ an extremely terrible idea and he should listen to his brain.

"Yeah, I'm Levi. Now pipe down, you're giving me a headache the size of Europe and Asia combined. Also, everyone's staring and it's incredibly irritating; makes me want to slice open all their throats." Hearing this, all the other customers quickly whipped their heads away from the interesting scene unfolding before them, trying to look as engrossed in their groceries as humanly possible. 

"Oh. My. Titans. You’re. I can’t. This is too amazing, I can’t believe it, it’s  _ Levi!!! _ ” Her voice rose, growing shriller and higher every syllable, and Levi’s glare was about to cut right through her. “Okay, okay. I'll pipe down, don't get your knickers in a twist, old man. Wouldn't want too many deaths in a nice little grocery store, now do we?" Hanji lowered her voice to an extremely exaggerated stage whisper, which wasn't much better than her overly-loud voice moments ago. Levi scowled, but he knew he would just have to put up with that.

"I'm not as old as I was last time you met me, four-eyes, so don't go around calling me old man; I'm only twenty-one right now.”

"Ah, I see! I'll call you whatever I want,  _ youngster _ . I’m sure you must be curious as to my age now” - Levi really wasn’t - “but I’m not going to tell you! It shall remain a secret!~” she said with a slight giggle.

He didn’t respond (was there really any need to prolong the conversation at this point? Nope, didn’t think so) but after a bit, the quiet coming from her became a bit - well, a bit stifling. Inwardly, he laughed at this; of course Hanji would manage to be stifling even while quiet.

Seeing as the line wasn’t going anywhere soon because some woman was making a fuss about some sale or the other at the counter, he decided he couldn’t put up with this any more. Intending to break the silence, Levi asked in a quiet voice the first question that came to him. 

"So you remember me, then? Do you remember everything?" He tried to sound nonchalant and cool about this, but millions of thoughts were racing through his mind right then, going too fast for Levi to pay attention to. The prevailing thoughts, though, were whether or not it was possible that others had been reincarnated too, and most importantly, whether or not  _ Eren _ had been reincarnated.

"Ah,” Hanji said, looking pleasantly surprised that it had been Levi who broke the silence. “Yes, I  _ think _ I remember everything. I’m assuming you do too, since you recognized me. Do you? You probably do. Doesn’t it feel weird to be in such a peaceful world? Don’t you love the idea of a second chance? Oooooh, did you find Eren? Have you been looking for anyone at all?" Her face lit up brighter than a decorated Christmas tree as she piled on the questions, and Levi's scowl deepened even further, if possible. That wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, and Hanji could tell that remark hit it straight to home, so she put on her apologetic face. (Which really wasn't much different from her normal face except that the manic glint usually in her eyes dulled a bit.)

“...I haven't found anyone except for you because I hadn't been looking. And I don't intend to." Levi said that with a tone of finality in his voice, and Hanji took the hint. They were not to touch upon the subject of a certain brunette yet.

“Well, I am  _ honoured _ , my ever-so-sweet  _ little _ Levi - who is just as short as I remember," she said in a mocking voice, and that last comment made a muscle in Levi's left eye twitch, "to be the first you’ve re-met! Just so you know, I've only found one other person - Sasha Blouse, from your squad I do believe. I've been trying to find someone, anyone, that I knew from before - you know, just to see if they remembered anything and maybe do some tests on them to see whether or not their physical bodies are different from their previous ones - and I stumbled across her one day. She's one of my biology students, and I've talked with her a bit. I'm sure she would be glad to meet you again!"

"We'll see. Hurry up and go to the counter, it's your turn. Don't hold up the line." With that, Hanji bounded off to one of the checkout counters, and Levi was soon called to the other.

After checking everything out, Levi walked out the store to head home. What he did  _ not _ expect, however, was to see Hanji waiting just outside the door, whistling merrily and staring at all the passerby people in an interested fashion, as if she was searching for a new species amongst the humans.

"Levi! There you are; took you long enough. I'll introduce you to Blouse again one day, how ‘bout that?" Hanji hastily scribbled something on a piece of paper she pulled from her pocket and handed it to Levi. "Here's my number; call me when you're bored! I'll treat you to coffee or tea one day, whatever you prefer. Well then, see you around, shorty!~" 

And with an evil cackle, she was off, leaving a very annoyed Levi alone on the sidewalk staring after the retreating figure, wanting desperately to kick the living daylights out of a certain scientist.

Levi decided that he could kick her next time and headed home, mind still spinning full of endless thoughts and questions. The usual effect Hanji had on everyone - making them feel like they had just gotten off the world's biggest and craziest rollercoaster ride ever.

* * *

 

Arriving home, Levi set the bag of groceries on his kitchen counter before heading to his study. It seemed to him that Hanji was quite a bit older than him in this life... Late twenties to early thirties would be a safe guess, though he wasn’t completely sure. Hanji was probably one of those people who could look thirty and act fifteen when they were really fifty, so it was hard to say.

Sitting in his neat and tidy study didn't calm Levi like it usually did, so he decided to do the one thing that would most definitely clear his mind and help him think - cleaning.

Grabbing all necessary supplies, he first started with the kitchen, and gradually worked his way to his bedroom. The whole time he was cleaning, Levi's mind was whirling with thoughts about what his encounter with Hanji could mean - all the events and possibilities that had been opened up.

_ So she's only found one other person, eh? The odds of finding  _ anyone _ is probably quite low, after all; it's amazing she found anyone at all to begin with.  _

Heaving a sigh that sounded so burdened that someone his age should not be producing such a sigh at all, Levi sank into the office chair in his study. But then again, how old was Levi exactly? Could you count the years he had lived before? Everything they had experienced back then, in that previous life, had forced them to all grow up way beyond their years - though Levi tried to prevent that with Eren at all costs possible, shielding him as much as was possible in the power of Humanity's Strongest.

_ The latest massacre of titans had also left behind a wake of corpses, as per usual. Walking amongst them, Levi found himself feeling some sort of emotion that was quite close to grief. Not for the dead - they had probably gone off to somewhere better than this; somewhere without titans. Maybe a painless world. But he felt grief for the living. Those who had to walk through this and suffer through the deaths of their loved ones.  _

_ Levi looked up to see Eren standing a ways off, staring out at the bodies of the dead with dulled, sorrowful eyes, bearing an expression that seemed wrong on someone so young. It was the face of someone who had seen too much, too early. _

_ Walking over to the boy, Levi didn't say anything to him, but merely put a hand on the boy's bloodied shoulder and turned Eren away so that he wasn't facing the bodies and facing Levi instead. Finally, Eren was the first to break the silence resting between them. _

_ "Why? Corporal, why do we keep fighting? Each time I seem to find the resolve to continue, and each time it always breaks down when I see all the dead. How do you continue?" Tears were streaming down his face.  _

_ Levi remained silent, his hand still on Eren's shoulder. He didn't know what to say, and Eren knew that. Levi let Eren cry out his tears, and after a while, he brought Eren into a tight embrace; it was the best thing Levi could think of at the moment. _

_ Slowly, Eren's cries calmed down bit by bit and turned to sniffles, until gradually those sniffles died down also, into hiccups. All the while, Levi's hands rubbed soothing, regular circles on Eren's back, and he finally spoke up when Eren was fully calm. _

_ "We continue because that's the only choice we have," Levi said in response to Eren's earlier outburst, choosing his words carefully. "It we don't move forward, what did those soldiers out on the field die for? They made choices that led up to this moment - and we must continue their decisions for them, all the while doing what we judge to be the best decision. How I continue, you ask. If I don’t, the decisions our loved ones made would have been in vain - and that is something that I cannot allow. We should continue doing this for our loved ones. Move on, because that is what we, as fighters, do." _

_ I'm sorry, Eren. I didn't want you to see this... I didn't want any of this for you. You shouldn't have to see this. Shouldn't have to suffer through so much.  _

_ Levi wanted to protect Eren - protect someone he loved, as he had failed doing so many years ago. That had been his decision, and why he continued facing forward. _

_ Eren had chosen this life - life as a soldier in the Survey Corps - and he would have to live with this choice.  _

_ But that didn’t stop Levi from wishing a better life for Eren. _

Levi finally stopped cleaning - seeing as it wasn't helping his mental state right then - and sat on the (clean) ground, shaking his head and blinking rapidly as he tried to compose himself. He was thinking about Eren again; something he had vowed  _ not _ to do. But the memories just kept coming in, pouring in, and Levi didn’t know how to stop them. 

Eren was too beautiful, too surreal, too fantastical. Levi had fallen deep for Eren in that other abominable world, too deep for his own good but he had been too far gone to care. Even in a world where Eren was not with him, Levi was falling deeper still. 

(Funny how in the world filled with titans they couldn’t imagine life without the other, and yet in what seemed to be a perfect world when compared to the old one, Levi was living without his Eren. Fate always has different plans.)

He had tried to avoid thinking about his previous life as much as possible - mostly about Eren, though - and had succeeded most of the time. It was only in the rarest of moments that Levi would catch himself wandering into thoughts of his days back then, and he would force himself to stop. Dwelling on the past never changed anything, and usually did more harm than good, in Levi's experience.

Yet, with just one short run-in with someone else who had been reincarnated, Levi couldn't stop himself from thinking about that darn brat. It was stupid, how little control he had over himself now. He didn’t like it one bit.

He ran a hand through his hair, uncaring for once of how messy it would get. Levi had decided to keep his hair in an undercut, the same as it had been before. 

His hair was probably sticking up weirdly right now, both from the slight sweat he had built up and from running his own hand through it all.

Eren used to think that it had been cute when Levi’s hair was messy.

_ Laundry day - no one’s favourite day, not even Levi’s, contrary to popular beliefe - had come again, and Levi was systematically taking out his uniform from his wardrobe. _

_ There was nothing bloodstained (they washed all their battle clothes right after coming back) but there were quite a few of his training clothes that reeked of sweat. _

_ Disgusting. _

_ As he pulled out a couple shirts and trousers, Levi heard a surprised noise behind him. _

_ “So even Corporal Clean-and-Tidy has dirty clothes, eh?” Eren had walked up behind him, arms full of his own dirty laundry. _

_ Levi clicked his tongue. “What do you expect? With all the experiments and training we do, someone like me would never have the time to do laundry outside of all the extra cleaning I already do.” _

_ Eren laughed, soft and amused. “Of course. Well, if you’re done sorting let’s go and drop them off, I wanted to run over the new move you taught us on the 3DMG the other day again. Care to help?” _

_ Instead of answering, Levi grabbed his stack of clothes and headed out his room, Eren following closely behind. _

_ “You know, this is why people accuse me of favouritism towards you,” Levi said, not turning Eren down. _

_ “Well, everyone could ask you for extra help too. They just don’t - either because they’re too lazy, or because they’re too scared,” Eren retorted. _

_ “And what are you?” _

_ “I’m… well, I’m still lazy, but I’m not scared.” _

_ Levi raised an eyebrow. “If you’re lazy, then why do you still do more?” _

_ A door crashed open in front of them; Connie and Reiner popped out of the barracks, dragging what seemed to be a bed sheet along the ground, with a mountain of clothing on top. They didn’t notice Levi and Eren, and noisily pulled along their makeshift… thing. _

_ Eren and Levi followed behind, both warily eying the huge mountain in front of them. _

_ “...I’m not as lazy as most of my friends, at least,” Eren answered, using his chin to gesture at Connie and Reiner. “Believe me, I don’t  _ want _ to do more. But the responsibility placed on me… implies that I have to do more than them, doesn’t it?” _

_ “Mm. That the only reason?” _

_ A cocky grin appeared on Eren’s face. “Well, no. That, and because I know how lonely you’ll be without me pestering you every day.” _

_ “Tch.” _

_ They arrived at the laundry rooms - old, unused rooms that had been converted into laundry rooms with giant tubs, that is - and dropped off their clothing. Neither of them were on cleaning duty that week, so they both didn’t hang around (though Levi seemed a bit hesitant at leaving his laundry with others). _

_ “It’s really warm today; I’m already sweating, and that was barely anything,” Eren complained, stretching his arms out. _

_ Levi grimaced, feeling the sweat on the back of his own neck as well. “Yeah. Let’s go train now, hmmm?” _

_ Eren nodded, about to turn and walk over to the fields when he looked back at Levi again, and burst into giggles. _

_ “Actually, before that you might want to fix your hair - it’s sticking up in the front, and plastered flat on one side. I think it’s the sweat.” _

_ Frowning, Levi reached up, trying to smooth out his hair - to no avail, it seemed, if the laughter from Eren was anything to go by. _

_ “Jaeger, if you’re going to just stand around and laugh, why not fix it for me?” Levi growled out, growing increasingly frustrated as his hair grew messier. _

_ “Sure, sure,” Eren said, still laughing as he reached over to comb his fingers through Levi’s hair. “One would think that you would be better at fixing yourself. And it’s not like you’re never like this; we’ve all seen plenty of sweaty Levi in training - and I’ve seen it in bed plenty of times. It’s kind of cute, actually. Really cute.” _

_ Levi scowled, turning a bit red - due to the heat, he swore. “Whatever. Just fix it already, and let’s get to training.” _

_ “Doesn’t it kind of defeat the purpose if you train right after you fix your hair?” Eren teased, mussing up Levi’s hair with a smirk. _

_ “You’re supposed to be  _ fixing  _ it, not making it worse!” Levi said as he swatted Eren’s hand away. “And who said I would be training with you? I’ll watch.  _ You’ll _ be doing all the work.” _

_ Levi could feel his hair sticking up in the back now, and he desperately tried to flatten it. _

_ “See? Cute,” Eren giggled as he dragged Levi to the training fields. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw y'all flashbacks will generally be in _italics_... Though not all italics are flashbacks?? Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments - man, especially comments - are EXTREMELY APPRECIATED. To those who comment - y'all are my new favourite people.


	3. Third Tick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi makes a ground-breaking discovery and doesn't know how to handle it. So of course, he calls Hanji.  
> Oh, and flashbacks. More memories. Of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAN I love writing Eren/Levi interactions. Especially cute ones. Problem is, I don't seem to know how to do that. What is fluff again?
> 
> I promise there's still fluff. Just. Not as much as... other stuff.

Levi walked along the library aisles, looking for a good book to settle on. After spending the past few hours relentlessly cleaning his (perpetually-clean) apartment and doing everything in his power to stop himself from thinking of all the possibilities meeting Hanji had revealed, Levi had finally given up and decided that reading something might help keep his mind off a certain brunette teen.

Scanning the shelves full of books in the history section, Levi finally chose a non-fiction one on World War I that caught his attention. He'd already read most of the historical fiction books in this rather small community library, due to his extreme love (one might even argue that it had become a slight obsession) for the past, and decided to move on to the non-fiction side.

He checked out the book and took the short walk back home, taking a moment to appreciate the fine weather they were having before stepping into his small apartment. It wasn’t always you would encounter such a nice day; Trost was normally so rainy, especially during the fall. Levi mourned in his heart slightly that he had no plans to go out that day, especially after checking out that book. Once back in his room, he made himself comfortable on a chair and opened the book to start reading, along with a steaming cup of coffee to keep him company.

It was all facts, and just what Levi needed to take his mind off the recent occurrences. While some may find this sort of a book bland and boring, it deeply intrigued Levi - in this way, he could see how everything was tied together. How one tactic led to another string of events, and how each and every decision affected the development of one battle, and each battle would eventually lead to the entire outcome of the war. One small mistake, one small slip-up, and the fate of your soldiers could be drastically changed.

This was the sort of thing Levi understood - and had lived for, in a previous life. Now, Levi would have to sate his hunger for action by reading about it. Flipping the page, he came across a paragraph that stopped his mind. For the nth time in the past couple days, Levi couldn't think clearly, couldn't think rationally.

> Drawing in all the world's economic powers, the two opposing alliances - the Allies and the Central Powers - fought hard to defend their countries. The outcome of the battles led to the ultimate result of the entire war, and they were most affected by the two leading generals of the Allies; General Erwin Smith of the Russian Empire and General Armin Arlert of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. These two calculating generals rivalled each other in tactical thinking and had no other equals in the field. From the moment these two appeared to take on the war for their side, it was apparent who would win. Their strategic planning and tactical advances were second to none and had never known failure. Even though they were the two most responsible for the win, Smith and Arlert were not very well-known because of their tendency to work behind the scenes and preference of secrecy. They themselves fought in all the battles, never neglecting a single fight, often amongst the front lines. They never used their position to as an excuse to slack off, working and fighting unwearyingly.

In that one paragraph, the main point stood out clearly to Levi, and he couldn't seem to breathe properly.

_Erwin Smith and Armin Arlert._

So others _had_ been reincarnated. Levi was right about something else - it was completely possible for everyone to have been reincarnated into different times and places. This was complete proof of that theory, and Levi did not doubt for a second that these two were the ones from his previous lives; it was obvious to Levi that it could only be those two, since they were the smartest and most brilliant battle officers he had ever met.

You could argue with him that it might just have been two people with the same names as his companions from his memories, but Levi knew better. There could be no one else - tactical geniuses, and the exact same names? That couldn't possibly be a coincidence. It was probably by pure luck that these two had even met each other - it was doubtless that it had only because of their high standing in their allies' army that they could even know of the other's existence in this life.

He wondered if Hanji knew about this.

* * *

 

Steeling himself for the whirlwind sure to come, Levi pressed the _Call_ button on his cell and waited as it dialled the number. She picked up on the second ring.

"Leeeevi! Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise! I didn't actually expect you to call so soon - miss me that much?~" Grimacing, he held the phone a little away from his ear on impulse as she squealed, then brought it back to talk to her.

"Still as loud and annoying as ever. Do you know about World War I?" Blunt and to the point, as usual.

He heard an offended sound on the other side before she spoke up. "I know I may act stupid sometimes, but do you seriously think I'm _that_ much of an idiot? Leeeevi, I'm hurt..." Hanji whined playfully. Rolling his eyes, Levi could just about _hear_ the pout on Hanji's face through the phone.

"I know you're not stupid; you’re pretty much one of the smartest people I’ve known, _Commander._ ” He smiled a bit at that title. It’s been awhile since he’d called her that. “Just answer the question."

"Awww, how sweet! You must be in a good mood today, Corporal!~" Hanji crooned in a sickeningly sweet coddling voice. Good mood? Just the opposite. "Well, of course! Who doesn't? Though you're probably thinking about something very specific, if you're even bothering asking me such a question. I know you, and I know that you wouldn't ask something so random without a reason. What happened, shorty?"

Levi resisted the urge to growl at her constant nicknames for him, and grit his teeth as he said, "Get out your laptop, and search up the leading generals of the Russian Empire and the United Kingdom during World War I."

There was a bit of silence - much to Levi's relief - as Hanji did what he had told her to. Minutes later, an audible gasp was heard over the line and Levi brought the phone away from his ear, preparing for the ear-splitting shriek that he thought to be coming, inevitably.

A couple seconds passed, and the yell he had been anticipating did not happen. Slightly worried (though he would never admit it to anyone), Levi held the phone again his ear once more and - much to his surprise - could hear a soft noise on the other side. Something that sounded uncannily like...

"Hanji, I swear, if you are crying I will kick you into next Thursday.” It was quite something when one of the strongest people he knew was crying.

“What did you find?" The sniffles quieted down a bit, and Hanji spoke up again after apologizing, albeit a bit quietly. Well, in a normal tone for the average human, but since Hanji was no average human (actually, Levi often questioned whether or not she was human at all) it was quiet enough for Hanji.

" _General Erwin Smith, of the Russian Empire, was extremely successful in his lifetime career."_ She was reading off her computer screen, no doubt. _"He is best known for playing a major part in securing the win for the Allies, along with General Armin Arlert, of the United Kingdom. General Arlert died an honourable death in the last battle - the Battle of Sharqat, 1918 - defending two of his wounded soldiers as he took them to safety."_

This time there was silence on both ends; Levi had called Hanji right away after reading that one paragraph in his book without researching any further, and this was new information for him.

"I see.” He leaned back in his chair. “I made the mistake of not doing further research before calling you and did not know that much. I only knew that they had lived a hundred or so years before us, and that they _had_ been reincarnated."

A hum from her, and it was silent once again. Just as he was about to ask if she had fallen asleep, she spoke up.

"Hey Levi?" Hanji sounded oddly serious, which was rare.

"Hmm?"

"I thought you said you didn't care to find anything like this. What happened?"

That was a good question, he supposed. To be fair, he hadn't _wanted_ to find out about this; he merely stumbled upon this while reading. Sighing, Levi told her exactly that.

"I don't. I didn't look for it on purpose - I was simply reading and came upon this in a book. Completely coincidental. And I still don't care about this. I just thought that you might be interested, that's all." _Lies, Levi. Keep lying to yourself; you may fool others, but you won't fool yourself._

"Anyway, now that you know, I suppose there's no more reason for me to continue this conversation anymore. Have a good day, Hanji."

"Waaah, Levi you're so hurtful! Can't we just talk because we're frien-" Agitated, Levi cut her off and ended the call.

 _Friends, eh?_ Levi thought about it. Not _friends,_ so much as acquaintances from a previous lifetime. Or so he told himself.

_Levi, it's okay now. You can trust others now, even have close friends; it isn't nearly as risky to do that in this lifetime as the last. They have much less of a chance of being ripped away than they did before._

_But there's still always a chance they could be taken away,_ Levi reminded himself. And as per usual, he shut off the part of his mind that thought those thoughts, and tried to distract himself.

Tonight, he decided to do some more research in the attempt to divert himself from any deeper thoughts. Of course, being the idiot he was, Levi decided to look into his newest historical discovery of Erwin Smith and Armin Arlert. He pulled out his laptop and started typing words into the search engine.

 _Generals Erwin Smith and Armin Arlert  
_ _About 903,000 results (0.59 seconds)_

Who knew there had been this much information on these two the whole time? Not him, that’s for sure. He decided to go with the first search result, which read:

 **_Erwin Smith_ ** \- Wikipedia  
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erwin_Smith  
**Erwin Smith** (14 October 1891 - 21 June 1954) was the **general** of the Imperial Russian Army. Known best for being a tactical genius and one of the…

Levi clicked the link, and was immediately led to the wikipedia page on the Erwin Smith from World War I. Jumping around the page, he read fragments and snippets; he couldn’t concentrate enough to read the whole thing, which was quite unlike himself. Levi realized, halfway through skimming the content, that he was looking for anything that might have indicated Erwin remembering his past. Something that might have implied Erwin had also belonged to another time.

But Levi knew Erwin was smart - terrifyingly so, most of the time - and knew that if letting something slip about his past would hinder him in any way, be it in his career or in his own life choices, he wouldn’t do it. Since Erwin had probably realized that saying “Oh yeah, and I’m reincarnated from a world filled with titans in the time period of who-knows-when, just thought I’d let you know” wouldn’t benefit him in any substantial ways, he would not have said anything about it.

But at the same time Levi still looked for it, still searched, still hoped.

 _“I thought you said you didn't care to find anything like this,”_ Hanji had said, her voice ringing - growing increasingly accusing as he continued - through Levi’s mind as he chased fact after fact online, ceaselessly, tirelessly, obsessively.

He pored over all the little details he could find, took note of all the countries Erwin had helped and destroyed, scoured through all the battle wins - and the very few losses - that had been attributed to Erwin.

Finally, after nearly six hours had passed and no less than eight cups of tea had been consumed, Levi shut his laptop and looked at the time - two forty-eight a.m. He had been on this online quest for information since roughly nine, and knew that it was about time for him to have some rest. (Being the insomniac university student he was, more often than not he would have to force himself to get a decent amount of rest. Read: more than one hour of sleep.) He had obtained enough information on the two generals that he could have written a paper on them at this point - albeit still missing some parts and slightly jumpy.

After a great mental debate as to whether or not he should still shower at this hour, the clean side of him overcame the tired-and-sensible-I-need-to-rest side of him and he was stepping into the shower, thought still swirling around in a muddled mess. He almost dozed off at one point, lost in his thoughts whilst showering and came back to his senses after that, turning the shower off and stepping out before he drowned himself or knocked his head on the tile floor or something equally stupid.

Now wouldn’t that be hilarious. Levi, once known as Humanity’s Strongest, cause of death: slipping and hitting his head in the shower. Because he was too tired. Because he had be stalking his friends from a previous life for almost six hours.

Yeah, no.

As he dried off his hair, he considered all the readings he had done tonight. Levi had read so much that he could barely see or think straight, but his brain still insisted on trying.

Sometimes, when Levi was extremely tired or stressed or just had a lot to think about, his mind would come up with extremely unhelpful and implausible things to think about.

He thought about taking a break from normal everyday life - perhaps a trip out of town, to the beach or something like that. Something that would help loosen him up, take his mind off of everything that had been running through his life lately.

Even though Levi knew that it would be highly unlikely he would actually follow through with these thoughts, he still let his mind wander a bit. It was a welcome distraction from what he had just been reading through, that’s for sure.

He also thought about coats. And warmth. Maybe he was simply too cold after just stepping out of the shower, but Levi was desperately craving warmth. Human warmth, preferably. Laughing a little at himself as he crawled into bed, he thought about how pathetic he was.

Pining after someone who was probably long gone. Ha.

That night - or morning, to be technically correct - as Levi slowly drifted off to sleep, memories plagued his mind as he was in his most vulnerable state, and Levi was too tired to fend them away.

Memories were often mixed in together with his dreams, and tonight was no exception.

Perhaps it was because he had been thinking about the beach just before he had fallen asleep, but he dreamed and remembered the first time they had set foot by the ocean.

_Eren stood over a ways away from the rest of the group. Everyone had finally made it to the sea, the ocean - whatever you called it. It wasn’t too weird, at first. Levi assumed that Eren was too overcome by his emotions (how long had he been looking forward to seeing the ocean? Years? And it was finally happening, of course he was feeling sentimental or something like that) and just needed some time alone._

_Levi only picked up that something wasn’t quite right with Eren when he saw the teenager bending over slightly, clutching at something invisible in his chest. His knees buckled, and he fell over into the sand with a grief-wracked, choking sob that Levi could even hear at this distance. It broke Levi’s heart to hear that - that was not a sound that was supposed to come out of anyone human. Much less Eren. It was as if a huge burden had dropped onto Eren, and he couldn’t stand up with it pressing down on him anymore. At least, not alone._

_Levi quickly jogged across the beach to where Eren was collapsed on the sand and crouched next to his broken form. There was no blood, no injury; and that was what made this scene all the more painful and heart-wrenching for him. The pain wasn’t physical nor was it tangible (though it may as well have been, Levi could feel the hurt coming off Eren in waves). It was something that existed on a much deeper level than skin and flesh, blood and bone - something that could never be seen but was there, nonetheless, always haunting the bearer of said pain._

_Being a man of few words to being with, Levi didn’t say anything. He merely crouched there, on the sand (heaven forbid he sit in the filthy sand, who knew what was in it). Eren had told him on several occasions that his mere presence was more than enough, and Levi knew that besides_ being there _, there really was little else for him to do._

_It would be normal for Eren to start talking after a while. Levi knew that Eren was an emotionally expressive person - himself, on the other hand, was not as much. After he got out whatever he had been holding inside of himself, Eren would talk with Levi._

_As Levi expected, Eren started explaining himself after he was calmer. (Levi had told him before that he didn’t need to explain himself. Levi fully accepted who Eren was, especially knowing what he himself was. Eren just couldn’t accept who he himself was.) So Levi just let Eren explain himself. It was better for both of them, probably. This way, Levi understood Eren more. And Eren could get everything out._

_“I’m sorry,” Eren began. Levi clicked his tongue, but didn’t say anything. Eren could be too apologetic at times._

_“It’s just… Hard, ya’ know?” Eren buried his face in his hands, but looked back out to continue talking._

_“We’ve looked forward to this for so, so long. I’m really happy - though that seems too shallow a word to use here, now that I think of it - but there’s more. Everyone else who started out with us - Hannah, Franz, Mina, Marco - they should all be here too. It’s_ unfair _that they aren’t here, they deserved to see it just as much as we did. And it hurts, Levi, it_ hurts _because I know that seeing this beautiful place came at the cost of so many,_ so many _lives. I’m thinking here, what made it so that I was able to come here and see this? Why me, and not them? I didn’t do anything to deserve this, there is no reason. It’s just fate playing cruel jokes on us all. I can’t take it, Levi!”_

_Eren ended his long spiel clinging onto Levi as if for his own life, and Levi didn’t object in any way. How could he, when he saw this brokenly beautiful existence in front of him? He understood. Levi wanted to reach out and take Eren’s heart, tell him that he understood this pain too. Why could he see this scene, when Isabel and Farlan couldn’t? Why was he allowed to love Eren, when Eld, Gunther, Petra, and Oruo couldn’t be here?_

_What gave them the right to stay alive, and not the others?_

_Eren had laid in front of Levi a mirror of himself, and Levi didn’t know what to do. He was drowning, pulled farther and farther down by his own emotions - emotions that he had worked so hard to close-off, so hard to lose. It was all resurfacing bit by bit, the more time he spent with Eren, and the mask, the shield he had drawn around himself, the barrier he thought he had closed off, was slowly cracking, breaking off, peeling away._

_All his flaws, his emotions, his feelings - he had buried them deep, deep inside. Hidden them from everyone, hoping to lose them. But this boy who crashed into his life wore his flaws, his hopes, his everything on his sleeve for the whole world to see - he was digging them all back up, desperate not to leave a single bit of Levi unturned._

_Everything he thought that had been long lost was being found again by this perfect, broken soldier in front of him. Levi didn’t know what to do with all these new feelings that were suddenly being reintroduced to him._

_“Eren,” Levi started. He started, but he did not continue. He didn’t continue not because he didn’t know how to, there were too many words he wanted to say that got stuck in the back on his throat, words like “You have every right to be here” and “The word’s just cruel and we both know it but there’s no reason for us not to be here” and “I understand” and “I’m here, Eren, I’m here”._

_But none of these words made their way out, because he knew that they weren’t necessary. Eren understood, but didn’t want to. And that was fine - they could feign ignorance for a bit longer, perhaps._

_At one point, Levi had sat down on the sand, and Eren was resting over Levi’s legs, holding onto his shoulders as he tried to calm himself down. It was warm and it was comfortable, and Levi no longer cared if he was soiling his pants or if there was anything dirty in the sand._

_It was closer to the afternoon than not, and the sun was riding lower and lower in the sky, closing in on the horizon as the rest of the Survey Corps gradually tired of splashing in the water and opted to lying down by the grainy shore, or digging for little critters. Hanji had done some exploring of her own, and had procured several shell-covered creatures, some of which clamped shut and others having little scurrying and pinching legs._

_The reflection of the sun setting on the waves was blinding, glowing with a ferocity that Levi was unsure as to whether he was appreciative of the subtle warmth it still provided or annoyed by the glare._

_He allowed himself to be appreciative, seeing the light shine on Eren in a sleepy state. The young boy had rearranged himself, so that he was half-lying in the sand, head propped up in Levi’s lap. He was no longer a boy, Levi constantly reminded himself, he was a soldier. But Levi didn’t want to think this way, didn’t want to think that this beauty had been marred by the cruel world._

_Eren’s eyes were fluttering shut, traces of salty tears still on his face. The light hit his face in a way that emphasized all his features, both making them stand out and softening them at the same time. Levi ran his fingers over the dried-up tears, wishing he had it in himself to make them all go away._

_Mikasa and Armin approached the two of them at one point, about to say something, but Levi had held up a finger in the gesture for them to remain quiet, and looked pointedly down Eren in his lap. He had fallen asleep, and Levi didn’t want to wake him up. The two nodded understandingly, and Mikasa mouthed a quick ‘_ thank you’ _before the two of them headed off again to join the rest of their friends._

_What was she thanking him for? He was the one that had selfishly taken Eren from them. He was the one that was benefitting from this relationship._

_He shouldn’t be thanked; rather, he should be thanking._

_At some point, Levi dozed off too; hands still resting on Eren’s face, with the dried-up tears underneath his fingertips._

***

And then came more of the painful, bittersweet moments that Eren had given him. They flooded in, invading and mingling amongst his dreams.

***

_“Levi,” came a voice, growing more and more urgent each time they repeated his name._

_“Levi, Levi. Levi!”_

_“Hmm?”_

_A sigh of relief. From who?_

_“You’re shivering, Captain.”_

_No, he wasn’t. Shivering? It was too warm for that._

_Something soft brushed past his cheeks. It felt nice; Levi liked soft things. He tried to lean into the softness, only to find it gone._

_He might have whimpered._

_A strangled noise from the person with him. Were they okay?_

_“It’s okay, Captain, you’ll be well soon. Just,” the voice stopped here, as if trying to compose themself, “just, wake up. It’s okay.”_

_His throat burned, and his brain worked to piece together what was happening. The person sounded familiar - or at least, someone he wanted to be familiar with._

_Strands of hair were pushed out of his face. The person was being gentle, that much Levi could understand._

_Screeching. Shushing. Lights and darkness, floating in and out._

_“Please, we need you.”_

_“You… what?” Levi asked groggily. Why was he feeling so heavy?_

_Something lumped itself onto Levi all of a sudden. Not pleasant._

_“Get,” he panted, “off.”_

_“It’s been two days, you idiot. I think you can afford one hug, at the very least.”_

_This voice - the one who had stayed by his side the entire time. The voice he heard every time he remembered._

_“Was I… sick?” he asked, uncertainly. That wasn’t possible._

_Stiff laughter, with no mirth in it at all. “Poisoned. You were poisoned.”_

_Sudden realization dawned upon Levi. “You’re Eren.”_

_At this, Eren lifted his face from where it had been buried in Levi’s chest. “I’m glad you know that, at least. I am never letting the new recruits feed you dinner, ever again. Or the military police.”_

_“Food poisoning?” That didn’t seem enough reason for him to be out of commission for two whole days, if what Eren was saying was true._

_“More like deliberate poisoning through food. Those mushrooms they had claimed to be ‘delicacies from the capital’? Nope.”_

_“I’ll make four-eyes test all my food before eating, I guess. Preferably taste-test. Easy way to get rid of pests.”_

_Eren snorted, lightly tapping Levi on the forehead._

_“You’ve been awake for what, five minutes, and you’re already like this? I think I might prefer sick Levi to normal Levi. He was a lot cuter.”_

_“I’m Levi. Sick or not, I cannot possibly be_ cute. _”_

 _“Nuh-uh. You’re short, so you’re_ always _cute. Just cuter when you’re sick. And when your hair’s messed up. And--”_

_“You’re asking for a death sentence, aren’t you?”_

_“If stating the truth is now the equivalent of asking for a death sentence, I guess I am.”_

_Cheeky boy. “How many times have we had this conversation? Can’t you let a patient have some peace?”_

_“Oh no, you are not pulling the ‘patience with the patient’ card on me. You showed that you didn’t need that the instant you went back to you normal self.”_

_“You are way too much. Remind me again why I even put up with a cheeky, back-talking soldier like you?”_

_Eren flashed a flirty smile. “Because you love me, that’s why.”_

* * *

 

Levi awoke to the subtle sound of vibrations disturbing his otherwise peaceful bedroom. Reaching for the small nightstand next to his bed, he opened up the lockscreen on his phone.

_7:03 AM_

_14 missed calls_

_27 unread texts_

_6:58 AM - Four-Eyes: leVIIIIIIIIII GUESS WAT I FOUND DUDE THIS IS CRAZY ERWI…_

_6:57 AM - Four-Eyes: levi, levi, levi what r u doinggggggg wanna meet up with sash…_

_6:57 AM - Four-Eyes: shorty cmon reply to smth ur usually not asleep at this time a…_

He groaned and rolled over on his bed, unwilling to face Hanji’s onslaught of messages so early in the morning. Levi smothered his face with his pillow, thinking back to what he had read last night.

There was so much about them, and yet there was still so much missing. Levi wanted to know so much more, and not just about the two generals.

He wanted to know more about reincarnation. How many times could a person be reincarnated? Who could be reincarnated? Did everyone remember the same things, or did some people forget? Was everyone able to have been reincarnated, but they happened to be from different times and places? Was there some sort of pattern as to when and where they were reincarnated?

Was Eren reincarnated?

All these questions swirled around and around in his head, a never-ending loop of inquiries that would (most likely) never be answered unless he did his own research. His phone vibrated again.

It really was too early in the morning to handle this much, he thought as he smashed the button.

“What is it, four-eyes? What’s so important that it demanded you calling for my attention at this ungodly hour of the morning?” he growled out as he sat up on his bed, eyes still bleary from sleep.

“Levi! You finally, finally picked up!” Hanji sighed, seemingly really relieved. Had she been… worried that he hadn’t been picking up?

“Well? What is it? It’s really too early for me to deal with whatever nonsense, so it better be worth my time,” he finally said.

Hanji hummed a little and spoke again. “I did some research, you know. As soon as you hung up on me, I did some research. There’s… Actually quite a lot, did you know? Those two, Erwin and Armin. If you just look, you’ll find it. Seems they were quite successful, actually.”

Yeah, Levi knew that. He knew, because who was the one that stayed up until two in the morning, reading up on all the information he could find? Who was the one that used up six hours of their time hoping - in vain, probably - that this might prove that Eren could have returned with them??? Three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

Bingo. It was Levi.

But he stayed silent, not acknowledging what Hanji was saying. Because he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to admit that he had learned as much as he could about those two by himself; didn’t want to admit that he knew precisely which battle plans were Erwin’s or which misunderstandings Armin had cleared up.

“Hellooooo? Levi, you still there? Please don’t hang up on me again, I know you don’t want to talk about this all but I feel like it’s quite important too, maybe we can find something about Er--”

“Stop.” Hanji did. She seemed quite surprised that Levi had spoken up again, and in such a tone no less. He sounded  - and was - weary, worn out, and done with everything. “Hanji, fine, you can do whatever you want. I have no right to stop you, but please. Don’t involve me anymore. You know how I protect myself - ignorance. Or at least, feigning it. So why are you still doing this?”

This time it was Hanji’s turn to be quiet. Though of course, it didn’t last long.

“I do this because I do what I think is best, Levi. You should know that too.”

“Mmm.” He didn’t deny it, because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, she was speaking the truth.

“Anyway, wanna meet up again? I’ll bring Sasha, and you can meet her! Or, er, re-meet, would it be? You up to that?” Before Levi could even respond, she started reeling off plans.

“I know! There’s a little café by your university, I think it was named after a flower? Lily? Tulip? Violet?”

“Rose.” Levi knew of it, since he passed it almost every day; though he didn’t go there often. He preferred making his own tea and - if desperately needed - coffee.

“Yeah, that’s it, that’s the one!” Hanji exclaimed. “I heard it opens pretty early, so how about meeting up there next, let’s see, Saturday? I’ll ask Sasha if she’s free - though she probably is, since I’m the one controlling her schedule. Okay then, see you next Saturday at… seven am, sound good? I want it nice and early so I can have the rest of the day free. Oooor we could totally hang out for the whole day! That sounds like a plan, we’ll meet at seven - don’t be late! - and then we can do whatever for the rest of the morning. See you there shorty, put on a less grumpy face for us this time! Toodles, Hanji out!~”

And she hung up on him.

Levi glared at the phone, as if it were somehow the reason for his problems.

He hadn’t even _agreed_ to meet up with Hanji.

His phone dinged with a new text.

_7:15 AM_

_Four-Eyes_

_ >>sasha said ok! looks like we’re up for it, dont skip out on us now! _

Levi groaned. It really was too early in the morning to deal with this. He flipped back onto his side, pulling his blankets up to his chin again in attempt to sleep all his troubles away.

Four minutes later, Levi groaned again and turned back to his nightstand, tapping out a quick message before slamming his phone back down.

Consciences were evil. Especially ones that made you feel guilty for ignoring annoying people.

_7:19 AM_

_Me_

_ <<Fine. Just don’t be late, or I’ll slit your throat stupid four-eyes. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw y'all flashbacks will generally be in _italics_... Though not all italics are flashbacks?? Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments - man, especially comments - are EXTREMELY APPRECIATED. To those who comment - y'all are my new favourite people.


	4. Fourth Tick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is - once again - reminded of how much of a handful Hanji is. And will always be. Sasha finds it amusing, and Levi contemplates life decisions. Yet again. He seems to be pretty good at it lately. And reminisces.
> 
> The usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was most definitely one of the chapters I had the most fun writing. I _love_ Hanji and Levi's interactions (absolute brOTP cmon) and adding Sasha in was amazing.

It's been almost a week since Levi's historical discovery, and since Hanji had set up a date to meet up again. He had been trying to distract and occupy himself as much as he could these past few days so that he would have little to no chance of thinking about it.

Even though Levi was doing all that, he knew that he was still subconsciously searching for the others in everything he did. No matter how much he tried, something unexplainable within him would rise up, despite his efforts to push it all back down.

Casually watching some television in the evenings, he caught himself several times looking for Eren anywhere. Making comparisons to Eren. _Oh look, that news reporter had hair almost like Eren’s._ At every place he went out to, Levi would be unconsciously scanning the place hoping to catch sight of something, _anything_ that would even remotely resemble Eren.

Once, he walked by a stranger on the streets with beautifully tan skin, and Levi done a double take back at the stranger just to check whether or not they were Eren. Turned out to be a girl. But it was all little things like that.

Before he ran into Hanji, Levi had managed to convince himself of the extremely high possibility that no one else had been reincarnated - at the very least, not into his time and place. But after that one meeting with the crazed woman, everything Levi had worked so hard to convince himself of previously was shattered into nothingness, and that small flicker of hope was reborn in Levi. He was living on that mere spark right now, and yet also trying to snuff it out.

That spark of hope that Levi was trying so desperately to blow out, though, was fanned into a small flame the next time he met up with Hanji.

Against all better judgement, Levi had agreed on re-meeting this Sasha Blouse, which was why he was awake and at a coffee shop at dawn on a Saturday. Why was this shop even open at this hour? Who _works_ at this hour?

The shop was nothing fancy - just your average, nondescript coffee shop to the corner of his university, Rose Café. It wasn’t much, but it was clean. There was some soft music playing in the background and Levi twisted his cup of morning tea back and forth between his hands as he waited for the two women to come in.

Finally, as he was well into his third cup of tea, the small bell above the door jingled in a not entirely unpleasant way as Hanji poked her head into the coffee shop. She looked around, and when she spotted Levi sitting at one of the booths on the side her face lit up past a thousand watts. Hanji stepped fully inside, pulling another brunette girl along with her into the shop, and they both made a beeline for where Levi was sitting, plopping themselves down across from him.

“Leviiiii!!!!! As promised, I brought you Sasha Blouse! I guess you can call her my protégé - she’s actually showing a lot of talent in this field of biology, so I’m hoping to train her right in my footsteps!” Levi pitied Sasha - after all, she had to put up with Hanji everyday and he knew from personal experience that it was not an easy feat. Hopefully the young woman wouldn’t turn out to be anything like the mad scientist in front of him.

Hanji turned to face Sasha. “I would introduce you guys, but seeing as you were a part of his squad I doubt I’ll need to. But how about age, occupation, that sorta thing?” When Levi nodded his assent to this suggestion, both of them slid into the seats across from him as Sasha called over the waiter, ordering three blueberry muffins and a coffee. Three creams, four sugars.

She sure could eat a lot - Levi remembered that part of her very clearly. More than once he had been forced to compensate for the food she had stolen, and more often than not she ended up with extra cleaning duties or one less meal. The latter alway elicited a more disgruntled (to say the least) response from the girl. When Sasha had finished placing her order, she turned to talk with Levi as Hanji started telling the waiter her order.

“So, I’m Sasha, as you know! In this life, I am currently twenty years old, and I’m a second year university student studying biology under Professor Zoë at the university in the next city over - Stohess University. Though I actually live closer to Trost University… It’s a bit complicated.”

Sasha ended her introduction just as her muffins and coffee came along with Hanji’s pain au chocolat, and quickly whipped out her phone from her jacket pocket. Sasha arranged the pastries and drinks in an aesthetically pleasing way - quick enough that even Levi was impressed at her eye - and snapped several photos from different angles.

“I run a food blog, of sorts,” she explained as she took the pictures. “It’s just a little side hobby, I guess. Professor Zoë knows about it, and I always take pictures of our food when we eat out.”

After Sasha was happy with her shots, they quickly busied themselves with disposing of the food, all the while looking at Levi with interest as the two biologists awaited his reply.

So this Sasha girl was only one year younger than him now, eh? Slightly weird, if you thought about it. Levi had been the captain of her squad in the past life and her superior is every way - in age, rank, and experience. Now, they were both just university students a year apart.

“How are you in this lifetime?” Sasha asked, turning her attention away from her food as she asked this question.

This was going to be fun. Levi discreetly turned his phone on before introducing himself, tapping a couple buttons as he he spoke calmly.

“I’m Levi, as you obviously know. No ‘captain’ title or anything here anymore; I’m just a normal third year history major student here at this university, and I’m twenty-one. Oh, and I’m married with two children,” Levi added as an afterthought, without any change of his facial expression.

There was silence for a moment as the words sunk in, before utter cacophony erupted.

Their screeches were probably heard all the way across the world, and Sasha gasped up half her muffin - that couldn’t be good.

Hanji totally lost it. “TWO CHILDREN?? LEVI. WHO’S THE WOMAN. OR MAN. HOW _COULD_ YOU, I TOTALLY THOUGHT YOU STILL LOVED EREN, _SASHA FIND ME AN AXE._ ” Levi twitched at that, but didn’t bother saying anything. Hanji had started bouncing around in anxiety or something, and was totally uncontrollable at this point.

“Le-Levi? With _children?_ No. Nooooo no no no no.” Sasha said in between coughing fits. Seems she had quickly entered the denial stage, face pale and hands shaking - though she could have been shaking from her coughing. “Are they okay? No wait. You’re married. You’re _married”_ \- Levi leaned back to avoid being sprayed by muffin bits flying out of her throat - “but Eren isn’t reincarnated though, from what I heard? So no, you can’t be married. But wait, you have children. So yes you’re married? No, no Levi that isn’t how it works. You don’t get married to anyone that isn’t Eren, Levi what are you thinking - and children too! No! Nonono. No--” she cut herself off by taking a deep swig of coffee in an attempt to calm down.

“I’m joking guys. I don’t have children, nor am I married.”

Sasha visibly sagged in relief at this, and it was like he had pressed an off-switch on Hanji; she stopped working, sitting on her seat with a blank look on her face.

Struggling to keep from laughing, he sat back in satisfaction, picking up his phone. This was _priceless;_ he should have recorded this.

Oh wait, he did.

* * *

 

After the introductions (which went amazingly well, in Levi’s opinion) were done and over with, and they had all calmed themselves down, they sat there eating, making small talk as they caught up. It was going pretty smoothly before Levi’s big mouth finally decided to open itself again.

“Hey, Sasha.” Levi mentally cursed himself for speaking so impulsively as both females looked up to face him. Might as well follow up with the question he had in mind - though by the look on Hanji’s face, she probably already knew what he wanted to ask. “Have you found anyone else that was like us? As in, you know, reincarnated?”

Sasha thoughtfully and carefully chewed on the last of her muffins before supplying him with a response.

“I haven’t actually found anyone else, but,” she turned to Levi with a strange look in her eyes that he couldn’t read, “I heard that _you_ found someone else. _Two_ someone else’s, in fact."

A thousand curses on Hanji’s head for spilling. He should have known that she wouldn’t keep quiet about it, but let a man have some hope will you? Alas, that hope was always too far-fetched to actually be true and now he would have to talk to yet another human being about this.

“That’s… true. How much has she told you?” he asked warily.

“Oh, nothing much actually. Just that you found two people, and I might find it interesting to hear about. Professor Zoë thought it would be best for me to hear the story from you, actually, so she didn’t tell me anything more. Can you, like, elaborate?” Sasha turned curious eyes towards him.

Levi sighed, mentally preparing himself and thinking of how to say everything. “Leave it to four-eyes to make me tell the whole story. So basically, I found Erwin and Armin in a history book. A book on World War I, to be precise.” Seeing the questioning look in her eyes, he answered the unasked question.

“Yes, that means they’re dead, and yes, I’m also completely sure it’s the two of them. You probably remember Arlert better than I do, but they were both masterminds, correct? Just go home and search the two of them up; generals in World War I.”

Hanji could probably sense the feeling of gloom and helplessness that was threatening to blanket and suffocate Levi, because she suddenly popped back into the conversation.

“Uhm, hey, Levi baby, you’re paying today right? ‘Cause I don’t seem to have my wallet on me, teehee~” Hanji said in a cheerful voice, not a single bit regretful.

Levi suspected that she had probably ‘forgotten’ her wallet on purpose, but sighed and took out a couple bills from his own. “Just this once, four-eyes. You’re paying next time.”

“Aw shortiekins, you mean you’d come out with us again? How sweet of you, thanks for paying, you’re the best!” Hanji launched herself at Levi - who saw this attack coming and swiftly slid across the bench - leaving Hanji to fall out of the booth, giving a loud whine that sounded suspiciously like “Leviiiii how dare you, I thought you loved me,” while rubbing her backside, which she had landed rather hard on.

Levi snorted gently, unable to contain himself at the image of his - dare he say it - best friend in this life peeling herself off the ground with a giant pout on her lips, glasses askew in her wild hair. She certainly was an eyeful; a walking human disaster.

He turned to face Sasha again, not really with the intent of talking with her but rather so he wouldn’t have to look at the mess implanted on the floor. He was surprised to see Sasha trying to suppress what seemed to be a laugh, and he raised a questioning - albeit slightly accusing - eyebrow at her, with the silent question of “What?”

Sasha grinned openly, saying, “It’s nothing, really. You and Professor Zoë, well, you two are pretty funny together. Not the most expected of friendships, but it works, somehow. Makes me miss how… it used to be.”

Levi hummed in acknowledgement of this fact, though he still did what was expected of him and grimaced at the part where Sasha brought up the unusual relationship. He actually agreed with her - not that he would ever admit it explicitly, but Hanji really was a great friend. And she gave pretty sound advice, too.

Truth to be told, Levi put a lot of trust in Hanji. Probably _way_ too much trust to be safe, but he had chosen to take the risk long ago. He remembered the day he and Eren walked into the mess hall in close conversation; Hanji’s keen eagle eyes had not missed a thing, and he had barely finished the meal before the other squad leader was dragging him out of the hall.

_“LEVI!!! HOW COME YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THAT YOU AND CUTIE-PIE WERE A THING NOW???” Hanji looked upset and excited at the same time - how does that even work?_

_“Tch, who said we were a thing?” Levi crossed his arms, holding eye contact with Hanji in a challenging manner._

_“Nothing escapes Mama Hanji’s eyes, and you know it! Spill!” Levi sighed, both at the cringe-worthy nickname Hanji had given herself and due to the fact that he knew he couldn’t really contradict what Hanji said. It was pretty much true; this woman was practically omnipresent, and there was the soldier side of her that could deduce an entire situation based off of one glance._

_“I just said that I like him too. No big deal, now go away. You didn’t even let me clean the table.” He made an attempt at escaping her, but she grabbed his arm back. Levi knew that he could pull away from her with no problem - putting into consideration his superior strength - but he didn’t._

_“What is it, four-eyes?” he growled out, growing slightly more agitated by the moment. He didn’t face her, but remained in place as if he were to walk away._

_“...” She was silent for a bit, which was kind of - scratch that,_ really _\- concerning, so Levi turned back to face her._

_“Be careful, alright, shorty?” Hanji said these simple four words with so much care in her voice he couldn’t even find it in himself to say anything about the last word._

_“Yeah. When am I not?” With that, he turned to walk away, and this time Hanji didn’t stop him. But he stopped himself instead, and stood there a ways from her, still facing the other way._

_“What is it all for, though?” Levi asked quietly. He heard a quiet, confused sound from Hanji and turned to face her. He refused to make eye contact._

_“The more you grow to be attached to a person, the harder it is to leave them. The harder it is to even be out of sight from them for the shortest while. It hurts all the more. You and I both know that nothing sticks around for long. Here, people die left and right and there’s nothing we can do about it. We can’t even enjoy the life we have now, we’re too worried about dying the next day. What if our world ended now, because some titans decided to pay a visit inside the walls? Life never gives us what_ we _want, so why bother even trying to get what we want?”_

 _Levi expected Hanji to do_ something _\- laugh, say something funny,_ anything _\- at this sudden outburst of his, but she didn’t say anything. Again. She had been silent twice in one conversation; was the world really ending?_

_“What is it that you want?” It had been a good minute before she spoke, and Levi had been on the verge of returning to the dining hall (yet again). But this question stopped him short._

_He gave a bitter, dry laugh. “What_ is _it that I want, Hanji? I wonder too. I want a place to live without constant fear of titans. I want to eradicate all the titans. I want to clean messes. Wait no - I want zero messes. I want to live a normal life. I want to learn how to be really, truly happy. I want to be with Eren. I don’t know, Hanji. I don’t know. Am I allowed to want anything? It seems the more I want something, life has other plans. It’s all against us, Hanji, and you can’t deny that.”_

 _“I can deny that and I will. Life isn’t against everything you want, Levi. I want to be_ here, _and I am. I want to grow closer to you, and I am. Though it is a bit slow for my tastes, but I’ll go with what I can get. I want to study titans, and fate gave us Eren. I want to kill titans, and what are we doing on our missions? I want stay alive, and I’m pretty sure I’m alive right now. I want you to stay short, and that doesn’t look like it’s changing anytime soon. I want you and Erwin to stay alive with me, and you are.” Hanji rambled on for a while, and Levi listened closely to everything she was saying. It’s true, he supposed._

_Maybe he could live in the moment._

_“You said you want to learn how to be really, truly happy. Aren’t you learning that right now? The time you spend with Eren; you’re lying if you’re saying those aren’t your happiest moments. You can learn how to care, how to be happy - and maybe, maybe Eren’ll even crack that terribly cold and stony and scratchy heart of yours enough that you’ll grow to properly love. Is that enough reason for you to want something?”_

_“Hanji…” Levi didn’t really know what else to say. A warm, warm feeling was starting to surge within his chest and he didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t often he would be at a loss of how to act, but emotions did this to him. That’s why he had closed himself off for so long._

_“One last question. Do you think you would be happy_ not _being with Eren?”_

_Scoffing, Levi rolled his eyes. “Do you really need to ask that anymore? Is that even a question at this point?”_

_Hanji laughed lightly, though she grew serious straight after. “Alright, fair point. But let’s put it another way, just to be sure. Do you think Eren wants to see your grumpy face every day, and cheer you up? Do you think Eren wants to see you happy? Do you think that the two of you could make something happen? Is there a yes to_ any _of the questions I just asked?”_

 _He didn’t hesitate before saying the simple word. “Yes.” He didn’t even bother arguing with her that no, he wasn’t_ always _grumpy, just most of the time. It was beside the point to argue back._

_“Then you have your answer! Stop worrying, you old man. Just go and be with Eren.” With that, Hanji gave him a harsh slap on the back and neatly walked away, leaving Levi there with a bunch of feelings he didn’t know what to do with and all the advice he had been thrown. (As well as a slightly stinging back, though he would never admit it.)_

_Sighing, he allowed himself a small smile before going back to the mess hall. Maybe ‘friends’ weren’t such a terrible thing after all._

Now in this world, Levi would not hesitate to put that same amount of trust in the current Hanji. It would probably be safer to do so now in this timeline than it would have in the time of titans - Hanji wasn’t unhealthily obsessed with titans anymore (hopefully) and should be slightly more… sane _._

A crash sounded in the café, a bit too close for Levi’s liking. It was jarring enough to have pulled him out of the memory - which could mean one out of three things.

One, a waiter accidentally dropped a plate of something or the other.

Two, a miserable attempt at a break-in through the window (miserable, because who would do that in broad daylight?) or possibly some pesky teens who decided it would be fun to vandalize a building.

Hanji screeched as she stepped on a glass shard with her bare - when had that happened?! - feet.

Or three, it could be Hanji.

* * *

 

“What I still don’t get, you insane four-eyes, is how you even ‘accidentally’ crashed into the cashier machine. And what’s more, you _broke it._ You _broke a cash register._ Why did you do that? Rather, _how_ does one even break a _cash register?!_ ” Levi’s rant had gone on for the entire three blocks it took for them to reach the park nearby. (He refused to stay in the café to talk anymore, after that whole disaster.) People were giving weird looks to the little trio walking down the road; probably wondering what on earth they were doing. Levi didn’t blame them. He wondered what they themselves were doing too.

“I told you, old grouch, I don’t know!” Hanji wailed out, distressed. “I was trying to flirt with the cute cashier - he was _really cute_ you know? You didn’t seem to mind, you were kinda spaced out; what was that about anyway? You kinda just. Zoned out on us. Anyway, then Sasha said something to someone behind me and so I turned around to see who she was talking to. And there _just so happened_ to be a waiter there! Holding a tray full of food and drinks! I told you, I didn’t _mean_ to knock him completely over, but I was so surprised to see someone there that I just! Backed up! Anyone would have done that, right?”

“You! Backed up! Right into! The! Cash! Register!” Levi was visibly _shaking_ now, and his facial colour was nearing to purple. It took a lot to make him lose his composure so much - but Hanji seemed to be able to make him lose his calm _so easily._ It must have been a skill that she had worked on secretly, perfected - and then taught it to Eren. “And I don’t even get how you fell on it hard enough for it to topple over and meet its demise on the poor cashier’s foot! And it broke; you broke a dang brick. Those things are like, like - triple-reinforced metal bricks! How, _how_ does someone break a triple-reinforced metal brick?”

Sasha cackled at this part, though she quickly stopped herself at the glare Levi shot her. “But hey, it was funny, you gotta admit. It’s never boring with Professor Zoë around. Man, I wish I knew her better in our first life - that definitely would have livened things up more. Levi, you _have to_ tell me all the stories one day, okay?”

“Hey, it wasn’t _me_ who totally broke the machine though!” Hanji protested, trying to hang onto even the smallest piece of dignity. “I swear! I backed into the counter, and the cute cashier tried to save me - oh, the _sweetheart -_ but then I think he grabbed the falling machine instead? Or something like that! And he helped, uhm, I don’t know, speed up the process of it falling?”

Levi’s face told her that he was definitely not buying any of that.

“What I still don’t get though, is how you ended up with bare feet. And because of that, _I am piggybacking you for three whole blocks just so we can talk somewhere else._ ” Levi spat that last part out, though there was no real venom in his voice - just annoyance. And that was understandable, to say the least.

Sasha choked, nearly doubling over from her effort to not laugh straight out in Levi’s face.

“I-I think Professor Zoë gave her shoes to the poor cashier, in a desperate last attempt,” Sasha wheezed out, “at flirting. The cashier’s feet are probably extremely bruised - if not bloody - and we’re lucky no one there pressed charges. But,” Sasha looked at the two older adults, “the whole thing was _hilarious,_ come on you two, admit it!”

Levi’s face was still contorted in a glare, though later on Hanji and Sasha will both swear they saw the corner of his mouth twitch up a hint. He denied it profusely, of course. Hanji, however, with no shame whatsoever, beamed with a loud “Yup!” and laughed along with Sasha.

“We’re here,” Levi finally said, trying to break up their laughter as he unceremoniously dumped Hanji onto one of the park benches.

“Thanks Levi! I enjoyed the ride, by the way,” Hanji giggled brightly with an over-exaggerated wink, which Levi rolled his eyes at.

The three of them situated themselves in a somewhat comfortable manner on the bench (which was actually quite spacious, surprisingly) and were silent for a bit again as they tried to calm down, watching people walk by to and fro.

“Sasha, why do you call four-eyes ‘Professor Zoë’?” Again, it was Levi who broke the silence.

The brunette girl tilted her head questioningly. “Huh? What do you mean? She’s a professor at our university that I study under, so of course I’d call her that.”

“No, I’m sure you know what I mean. I know for a fact that Hanji here actually hates titles, if she’s anything like her old self. It might not have been obvious, but she really hated it when people tacked on the titles before her name, even though it’s proper to do so. But not only that - you two seem quite close, and you mentioned that you two even eat out together quite often. You guys are comfortable together, and I could easily mistaken you guys as just friends if I passed by you on the streets. So why are you still calling her Professor?”

At this, Hanji burst out laughing and slung her arm around Sasha.

“Levi’s caught us, my dear student. He’s too sharp for his own good,” she said in a mournful voice, though her facial expression suggested that she was anything but.

Sasha smiled, and turned to Levi. “So we’ve been caught, I see. I mean, I view Hanji as more than just a professor, obviously. What was it that she called me earlier, her protégé? Yeah, we go a bit deeper than what is probably acceptable of a normal teacher-student relationship. Any sort of relationship between a teacher and student that is beyond a professional one - even friendship - is frowned upon. Excuses for favouritism and whatnot. But we both trust you to keep a secret?” She help out her pinky finger expectantly.

Levi looped his pinky finger with her’s, feeling slightly childish and foolish, but uncaring at the moment, and said a simple, “Sure.”

“Well, that’s that,” Sasha proclaimed, satisfied. A look passed across her face, and she leaned back into the park bench thoughtfully. “You know, since Levi already found Erwin and Armin, isn’t it also possible that there are others? Like, aren’t you curious? How about it, why don’t we do something like a search?”

“No.” Levi flat-out rejected the offer, without any hesitation; uncaring of the wide, surprised eyes Sasha had turned towards him at his sharp tone, or of the pout that now rested on Hanji’s lips.

Hanji punched him on the arm. Hard. Levi growled at her, rubbing his arm gingerly. She was as strong in this life as the previous - that was to say, she still had a soldier’s strength.

“But Levi,” Hanji whined, the almost-comic pout still on her face, “just, _think_ about it! Being reunited with your long lost love, the heartfelt reunion that would ensue, the lovey-dovey dates you guys could go on, making up for the terrible last life, and then happiness for the rest of--” She stopped short when she saw the look on Levi’s face. It bordered dangerous, but it was really more complex than that - hurt, grief, pain, resignation.

Sasha lightly rapped Hanji on the head; a slight warning. They both knew their boundaries, at least.

“I mean, of course it’s fine if you don’t want to,” Sasha said gently; it sounded almost as if she were trying to tiptoe around Levi. “Uhm, but… yeah, yeah, it’s fine. Totally fine.”

“No!” Hanji butted in. Clearly, she did not think this was ‘fine’, and she _always_ voiced her opinions. Rather loudly. “This is not ‘totally fine’. Levi, I don’t understand - don’t you even have the least bit of desire to find others? Find Eren? I’m pretty sure you want to; then why don’t you? Isn’t even the least bit of knowledge enough? We found Erwin and Armin, in a sense - why not find out whether others had been reincarnated? Why not find out if _Eren_ had been?”

Levi stood up, and faced the two on the bench. His fists were clenched, and it was clear that it was taking quite a bit of effort for him to not physically take it out on something. He spoke up in a low voice, closing in on a growl.

“I’ll tell you why I don’t want to. I’m protecting myself. And maybe it’s high time you started doing that too; maybe then you’d get hurt a lot less. Haven’t you learned yet? Even if there aren’t titans or whatever now, it doesn’t mean there’s a lesser chance of hurting. There are just different ways now,” he said, his voice breaking a little at that point. But Levi took a deep breath, and continued on.

“Didn’t it hurt when you realized you didn’t really belong in this time? Didn’t it hurt when you realized that you probably would never see anyone you loved from before, ever again? Didn’t it hurt when you found me? Because it gave you hope? Didn’t it hurt to know that we’d have to bear this burden ourselves for the rest of this life? Everything we built up for ourselves before - even our personal defenses - many of them had to be rebuilt. I had to relearn how cruel human beings are. How twisted, manipulative, convoluted they are. I thought that maybe, in a new world, in a kinder world, they might be better. And because of that naïve way of thinking, I hurt myself. I can’t even blame others - and we won’t be able to blame anyone else once we hurt ourselves, because it was our own fault that we didn’t adequately prepare ourselves.”

Hanji opened her mouth, as if preparing to say something, but seemed to rethink her words before stopping short.

“If we start looking for the others, it’ll rekindle a sort of, sort of,” he fumbled around for a word, settling on - “hope! Before we know it, we’ll be _hoping_ for them, wishing desperately that we’ll find them. Sure, right now you might say you ‘only want to see if they ever existed again’ or something along those lines, but there’s no question that eventually, you’ll start hoping for them to exist here and now. And then, after starting to let yourself think that - what’ll happen? We’ll finally find something on them; but they’ll have been long _gone._ Don’t you get it?

There was a reason I didn’t actively look for anyone. I had managed to convince myself that no one else was here with me. But then you two,” Levi waved at the two sitting wide-eyed in front of him, “you two popped back into my life! Unexpectedly, with no warning whatsoever - and what’s more, completely and utterly _unwanted._ ”

 _Crap._ Levi’s own eyes widened as his last words hit him.

“Crap,” he said out loud, trying to fix his mistake. “Crap, I didn’t mean it you two, it’s not that I don’t want you guys here or anything, I just meant that I didn’t want you guys to pop up again--wait no, that’s not right either, I meant--”

Sasha laughed, jumping up and dusting off her pants before she spoke up.

“Hey, it’s fine, I’m sure you don’t mean you don’t appreciate us two; even if you didn’t want us around, we’d stick around anyway - right Hanji?” The professor nodded way to enthusiastically at this. “And… I think I understand you a bit better now. You were always that calm, cool and - I’ll admit, scary - captain to me. To most of the others too, I think. But I guess we all have our reasons, huh? I’m sorry too. It was quite out of place for me to ask you that, considering we’ve only just re-met. Even if we’re the same person, in a sense we’ve all changed too right?

So, I’m saying you don’t have to do it with us. Of course, we might still search - and if you change your mind, that would be great. But thanks for just, I dunno, meeting with me again? After all you’ve said today, I realized that maybe you weren’t nearly as excited to re-meet me as I was to you… and well, I appreciate you coming. Thanks Levi!”

Hearing these words, Levi slowly unclenched his fists, letting them relax by his side; not answering Sasha’s apology, because he didn’t know how to.

“And here you have it!” Hanji said mischievously. “The _real_ reason why Levi doesn’t like talking! Once he talks, he really _talks._ Our little short one here, despite his small size - he really has a lot going through him!” She stood up and bounced out of the way, just in time to avoid Levi’s smack to her forehead. “Well, Sasha and I are going to pick up some samples for the lab on Tuesday now, and then we’re going out for lunch - wanna join us?”

Levi snorted, rolling his eyes. “As if. I think I’ve already had my week’s quota of insanity - I think I’ll go grocery shopping, since I’m already out here. So yeah, I’ll… keep in touch, I guess.”

And with a flippant little wave, Levi shoved his hands into his pockets and walked away, his scowl slowly reforming on his face the farther he walked away.

Levi knew he looked calm on the outside - or maybe calm wasn’t the best way to put it. At the very least, he knew that his face betrayed very little to none of what was really going through his brain. Every thought was going at a pace of millions of miles an hour, twisting themselves around until they suffocate themselves, confusing and painful and tangled.

Someone really needed to invent a brain organizer.

But no matter how much the thoughts snaked around him, it was Sasha’s voice that continually rang clearly about the mess within his head.

_“Like, aren’t you curious? How about it, why don’t we do a search?”_

Was she really asking if he was curious? Of course he was. Levi was a human too, after all. Wasn’t it natural to be curious about something that had been such a big part of him before? Wasn’t it natural to just be curious about everything in general?

On the other hand - looking for the others?

Levi scoffed at the idea, attempting (mostly unsuccessfully) to push away the thoughts running rampant in his mind.

This was how people became vulnerable. Hope, trust, love. It was everything he had given to Eren, and Levi had hurt himself because of those in the end. Without realizing it at that time, though. At that time, things had been perfect - almost too perfect. It was like a dream; it’s pleasant for the time being, and everything is going swimmingly well. But something would wake you up from that dream; and you’d be hit with a dose of reality again.

His time with Eren - it was always a dream. Too good to be real, too perfect to be attained fully. But Levi had treasured it selfishly, holding as tightly as he could onto the wisps of his best fantasy. Then death - and in turn, reincarnation - happened, and well, he got his deserved hit from the real world.

Of course, it was unforeseeable that they would be reincarnated. It certainly wasn't something he had expected, nor had he thought to be actually possible. But in the end, of course everything that had been done recklessly would have consequences.

Levi would go through this life, bearing the consequences of his previous. But he wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. They lived in a very real and very harsh world - there was no time to give for ideals and wishful thinking.

A slight breeze slithered between his t-shirt; summer had already faded away quietly, giving way to autumn. Most streets in Trost had trees lining the sidewalks, and many of them were beginning to show hints of golden yellows, burnt oranges, brazen reds.

It would soon be time to start pulling out long-sleeved shirts, and in turn, those would quickly give way to be replaced by hoodies, sweaters, boots, and hats as autumn gave way to winter.

Levi hated autumn. It was, in his eyes, nothing but a beautifully painted representation of dying. Not yet dead, but not quite alive anymore. It was life giving way to death, slowly being overwhelmed until it was but a mere shell of what it used to be before. But, Levi thought wryly, he would have to say he was most alike to that particular season.

It was a season of dying life, as the vibrant colours merge into a desolate bare landscape, and the chill in the air grew more and more noticeable. And yet it was because of this season that things were able to come back to life again. It was because of autumn that they would be able to see spring again.

Just like autumn, Levi felt like he was slowly becoming a shell - yet again. It was going to be a repeat of his first life, just much, much slower.

When he had been a child in his first life, he had already been a ghost of himself. It was really hard to be anything _but_ a faint outline of what you _could have been_ when you lived in the Underground. Losing his mother, forced to live in terrible conditions, trained to be a killer; that was hardly what a child should have gone through. Levi had lost himself much earlier in that life.

But now, he was also becoming the shell he used to be; the only difference being it at a much slower rate.

Before regaining his memories, his life had been like a spring - vibrant (at least, more so that it used to be) and playful, relaxed and most importantly, _normal._ Slowly, as he regained his memories - reliving his love with Eren, not taking for granted everything around him and trying to live it to the fullest he could with such circumstances - Levi reached his capacity. There was no way for him to go forward anymore. Just like when a flower reaches its peak, the only way it can go from there is to - however slowly - wither away, until it becomes an ugly little dry bud and it will detach itself from the branch, or stem.

Now, he was backtracking. He remembered that previous life (all too clearly) and reminded himself why he had become what he had become back then. (That is, what he had been before Eren came shattering in. Eren didn’t count; he defied all the logic of seasons, and besides - he wasn’t here in this life, was he? What good did it do to think back on how sweet, fulfilled, contented he had felt when none of that mattered in a life _without_ Eren?)

Levi knew he was going back to the empty self he had been without Eren - and he wasn’t going to do anything to stop it, at least not in this life.

Cold, strong, stoic, brave - those were words others had used to perceive him. Words that had been tacked onto his character. Steadfast, empathetic; all words that meant nothing to him, all words that he used as a shield. So he wouldn’t have to be himself, so he could act.

Empty, broken, weak - those were words that would have been more accurate. Words that would have actually described the real him. And truth to be told, Levi had been totally fine with the way things were. Let them think what they want, and let him be what they want. It didn’t matter, since he didn’t care what any of them really thought of him.

But with Eren - he actually cared. Levi had - perhaps a bit desperately - wanted to continue being that cool, strong person Eren had viewed him as. Someone suitable as a role model, someone who everyone wanted to be.

Eren had told him that he need not be that sort of person. But Levi had still wanted to be, of course. Who wouldn’t want to be seen as someone to look up to by the ones they loved?

Even as all these thoughts swirled about like ever-present storm clouds in his mind, there was something else nagging at the back of Levi’s mind. Something else that his past had thought to be important. Something else that his past had built upon and taken all his hope from. Something else that his past had used to define himself.

_Faith in humanity._

Levi pushed that thought away now. While he had been strong in many areas, this was one respect in which he mocked himself for now.

Faith in humanity. It was almost enough to make him laugh now. Once titans and war had been removed from the picture, it was really just _that much easier_ to see how flawed that kind of thinking had been.

Humans were cruel, selfish creatures - himself included. He had stolen what little time of Eren’s life had been left, taking it all for himself with the excuse that _it was what the both of them had wanted._

Maybe they had both wanted it, and maybe they did make it work; but it was still inexcusable, how he had taken that vibrancy Eren possessed all for himself.

Even while they had been in a war with titans, humans had still been scheming, using them as tools for their own plans. They had just been pawns, used to secure the items that the ones at the top had wanted.

Humans were made to hurt and be hurt; to use and be used. There was no fighting against that.

But sometimes - just sometimes - there are people who wholeheartedly wish for your good. Eren had been like that. Most of his soldiers had been like that. In their cases, though - they were the ones to _be_ hurt.

Gritting his teeth, Levi finally lashed out at the closest object to his foot - a fire hydrant. The kick made a soft thud, doing more damage to his foot than he would ever to do to the fire hydrant. The pain was a pleasant distraction, at least while it lasted.

He didn’t want to think about all this. The more Levi dwelled on Eren and his past life, the more he would want. He didn’t know what he wanted - actually, that was a flat-out lie. He knew what he wanted.

Levi wanted many things, as he had been reminded by Hanji. Present life and past, Hanji always seemed to be able to make him see things about himself that he didn’t necessarily want to see in the first place.

But most of the time, Levi would admit in the end that she had been right the whole time.

 _Most_ of the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention that I love Levi/Hanji interactions?
> 
> Btw y'all flashbacks will generally be in _italics_... Though not all italics are flashbacks?? Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments - man, especially comments - are EXTREMELY APPRECIATED. To those who comment - y'all are my new favourite people.


	5. Final Tick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's world falls apart.
> 
> If you search too hard, you'll find answers eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one monster of a chapter - over 10k words. Longer than any of the oneshots I've written before. Welp.
> 
> It's also the 'finale'; basically the ending of the fic.
> 
> I'm sorry guys.

_ “Levi? I’m coming in, Levi,” said a small voice through the door, and Levi acknowledged them with a slight grunt as he was immersed in his paperwork. _

_ Footsteps led up to his desk, and curious eyes peeked over his shoulder at his writing. _

_ “‘The Underground; fighting for citizenship’… sounds interesting Levi, what’ve you got over there?” Levi glanced behind him to see a tall, lithe form - Eren. _

_ “Grab a chair if you’re going to stay here,” Levi said, instead of answering Eren’s question first. “And it’s some stupid case, I’m sure - something about a revolt or a secret plan or whatever. I couldn’t care less; but the higher-ups want us to investigate it, seems they don’t think it’s that important,” he said dismissively, in a tone that obviously was not pleased. _

_ “The Underground? Do we usually deal in these sort of things? I thought the Survey Corps was all, like, titans! Fighting! Expeditions! And that sorta thing? Why not just hand it to those uppity Military Police?” _

_ “We,” Levi started, “don’t usually deal in these, correct. And  _ we _ \- the Survey Corps, that is - aren’t dealing with this.” _

_ Eren looked at Levi, confusion evident on his face. Levi had to resist reaching over and pinching one of his rosy cheeks; he had work to do. _

_ “Bring us some tea, will you? I’ll explain then.” _

_ The younger soldier immediately stood up and exited the room, coming back in a couple of minutes with a tray containing two steaming cups and a teapot. _

_ “Brought extra, since I figured you’d need it, old man.” Eren said, setting the tray next to a pile of papers before settling himself back into his chair, holding one of the cups. He ignored the half-hearted glare that Levi had thrown him, but grinned mischievously at him. “Now, where were we?” _

_ Levi dropped his glare and took a sip of the tea Eren had prepared - it was perfect, he noted with pleasure - before answering. _

_ “Well, it’s not really a case for the Survey Corps,” he began. _

_ “What do you mean? If it isn’t, then why are you reading it?” Eren interrupted, and then gasped. “Don’t tell me - Levi! Did you steal this from the Military Police? How could you?” he exclaimed with mock horror. _

_ Levi rolled his eyes - both at Eren’s interruption, and at his weird assumptions. Had it been anyone else, he wouldn’t have put up with these antics and interruptions. But it was Eren - and Levi was weak for Eren. Who wasn’t? _

_ “No, just let me finish,” he replied, setting his cup back on the tray. Levi picked up the first page, before handing it to Eren. The younger man promptly asked, mostly out of respect, because he knew what the answer would (probably) be, “Should I really be seeing this? It’s not confidential?”  _

_ “You already know the answer. Whatever’s known to me, I’ll trust you with. But see? On the top,” Levi tapped his finger on the topmost line, “right there.” _

_ Eren let his eyes fall on the letters, before wrinkling his forehead and looking back up at Levi. _

_ “It says… It’s addressed to Levi Ackerman. So?” _

_ Levi sighed, clearly not wanting to explain. “Don’t you realize? Stuff like this - letters, requests, the such - it’s usually addressed to the ‘Survey Corps’. Not me.” He waited for Eren to understand what that meant. _

_ Levi could see the exact moment Eren understood because his eyebrows lifted up into the mess of brown hair and his mouth opened slightly in an expression of childlike recognition. It was a cute expression to see on someone who was no longer a child, so he took his time to appreciate this sight that was displayed before him. _

_ Glittering, not-quite-green eyes shimmering with excitement, mouth parted slightly, displaying a glimpse of pink tongue - tongue that could do numerous things that Levi may or may not have taught him.  _

_ He was jolted back out of his thoughts by Eren’s voice. _

_ “Oh! So,  _ you’re _ supposed to investigate! Not us, the Survey Corps. But… you?” Levi nodded, and Eren wrinkled his brow. “But why you? Why not just give it to Erwin or something? Wouldn’t that be standard, since he’s like… the top whatever?” _

_ “Just because I let you call me Levi doesn’t mean that applies to Erwin too. That’s still  _ Commander _ Erwin to you,” Levi said (he was probably enjoying reprimanding Eren, from the looks of it). The younger boy stuck his tongue out at his commanding officer; the epitome of maturity, clearly. _

_ “But they assigned this case to me because of, well,” here Levi hesitated a bit, and caught Eren’s attention even more. _

_ “Because of…?” Eren prompted, eyes alight with curiosity. _

_ “Well, I’m from the Underground,” Levi said in an - overtly - casual manner, as one would speak of the weather that day, or what they had eaten for their past meal. _

_ There was silence in the room for a beat, two… Before the clattering of Eren’s chair on the ground could be heard, along with his voice and the slamming of hands on Levi’s desk. _

_ “You… WHAT?!” Eren screeched, disbelief coloured throughout his shrill exclamation as his eyebrows shot up into his bangs again. _

_ “I’m from the Underground,” Levi repeated simply, amused by this part of the exchange if the calm smirk on his face was anything to go by. “Should we get Hanji to test your ears? Maybe the experiments are starting to affect your day-to-day skills. If that’s the case, then--” _

_ “ _ Levi, _ I heard you the first time!” Eren pouted, his face still contorted in an expressive mix of shock, disbelief, and incredulity. He picked up his chair. _

_ “I just--You, you’re… no way,” Eren said weakly, as he set his chair back in position and slumped into it like a boneless creature. “Then how are you here? In the Survey Corps? Humanity’s Strongest Soldier? What.” _

_ In any other situation, Levi would have laughed at this. But he didn’t - be it due to his nerves as to how Eren had reacted to his past, or the seriousness of the situation. It would have been highly inappropriate to laugh at Eren’s - very eloquent, to be sure - speech skills at such a time. _

_ “Is it that hard to believe?” Levi asked softly. “That I was from the Underground? I mean, look at me. Cruel, hardened, apathetic; does one really grow to be like this if they live a normal life?”  _

_ At these words, Eren narrowed his eyes before standing up and walking over to Levi, putting his hands on either side of Levi’s face (a bit harsher than needed - almost slapping - but Eren excused it later with a loving “You deserved it!” speech) and bringing their faces close together, facing each other. _

_ “You’re not. You’re not any of those, you’re nothing but whatever you just called yourself. You’re soft, gentle, caring - you’re Levi. I’m sorry if my shock gave you the wrong impression; I’m actually just kind of surprised you didn’t tell me earlier,” Eren muttered, before taking Levi into a tight embrace. _

_ Levi remained silent, and he didn’t make a move to return the hug. _

_ “Whether you’re from the Underground, or from heaven - really, none of it matters to me. I swear. Though you must have been from heaven before you were sent to the Underground, because--hey!” Eren stopped short as he yelped, breaking out of the embrace to avoid the incoming slap. _

_ “That line died the minute I fell out of heaven,” Levi said with a straight face, and Eren burst into laughter. _

_ “Sure, sure, whatever you say. But,” Eren winked, “you love it when I say those cheesy pick-up lines, don’t you?”  _

_ Levi gave Eren the blankest look he could muster up, before muttering a quick “yeah whatever” and turning back to the paper. _

_ Eren might say that Levi had been blushing at that time, but Levi would deny that for as long as he lived. _

_ After a long, pregnant pause, Levi spoke up hesitantly. _

_ “So… you really don’t care?” his voice still holding traces of doubt and skepticism. “You, me… I’m from the Underground, and you really don’t think that changes anything?” _

_ Eren reached across the table, using a finger to lightly trace the sharp contours on Levi’s face. Levi sat there, desperately wanting to lean into his touch - but finding himself unable to, at the moment. _

_ “Listen to me, Levi,” Eren began, lightly touching Levi’s lips with the same finger that had been on his chin, so as to prevent him from protesting. “I love you. No matter what - isn’t that what love is? It’s not love if I abandon you the instant you say or do something that scares, disgusts, or upsets me. Love; commitment? Whatever all that romantic stuff is. It’s kinda hard to think about that in the middle of a war, but we’re only human - we have unpreventable feelings. So many things are unsure right now - whether this case will be solved, what we’ll have for dinner tomorrow, if we’ll even be around to have dinner tomorrow - but there are four things I am absolutely sure of.” _

_ Eren stood up, and started walking back and forth in front of Levi’s desk as he counted the things off on his fingers. _

_ “One,” - he held up one finger - “I hate titans. With a passion. With my whole being.” _

_ Levi rolled his eyes; he didn’t expect anything less. _

_ “Two,” - he held up a second finger - “I’m terrified. And lost. But mostly terrified. I’m pretty sure you know why.” _

_ Levi did know why; though perhaps there was more than the fear of not living on to see another day. And perhaps Eren was talking about something on a much deeper, much more personal level. _

_ “Three,” - a third finger was brought up to join the other two - “I’m alive. I’m in the here and now, and I know I want to  _ stay _ alive. Yeah. Staying alive would be good.” _

_ Levi snorted; that was one way to put it. But he agreed - staying alive would really be pretty awesome. _

_ “And four,” - Eren dropped his hand and stopped pacing, looking Levi dead in the eye - “I’m here, alive, with you right now, and I couldn’t wish for anything more. I know that I love you. And I know that the fact will remain, whether you’re some devilish creature from the depths of hell or, or,” he waved his arms around, trying to come up with something suitable, “I don’t know, a reincarnated blade of grass or something!” _

_ At this, Levi felt something unfamiliar - yet something that he was growing increasingly more familiar with as he spent time with this wild, younger man - pushing up inside of him. A soft, warm feeling - making him feel at home, at ease; safe. It threatened to overflow out, burst out of him in hues of orange and sunset and love. _

_ He so desperately wanted to embrace this feeling, so desperately  _ wanted _. Levi realized, time and time again, that he had this already; this was already his. He didn’t need to  _ want _ anymore, but yet, he still did. _

_ Maybe this stemmed from his fear from others leaving him. He had felt this before too, long ago. Or something akin to it, a lesser version of it. Nothing as consuming, overpowering. With Isabel and Farlan. _

_ But they could all leave. They could all leave and disappear, like Isabel and Farlan had. And this time, Levi really didn’t know what he’d do without Eren. He’d break, tip past the point of no return; he knew this, knew it with terrifying clarity. _

_ And so he wanted, but didn’t fully allow himself to have. Didn’t fully allow himself to embrace - to even accept - this reality that seemed to unfolding itself before him. A reality that was more often than not harsh and cruel, but at the same time - so very, very beautiful. Warm. Alive. _

_ Fragile. _

_ And every time he began to think about such things, Levi felt himself losing it. Spiralling down, down - into a dark whirlwind, a tornado, dark and suffocating. Harsh with its hold and with no intent to let him out any time soon. _

_ “--vi? You okay?” Eren brought Levi out of this deadly, deadly place that he knew all too well. Eren did it, with just his voice, when Hanji and Erwin had tried so many tactics and methods to help Levi with it. _

_ “Hey, Levi,” the boy - no,  _ man _ , Eren was older now - crooned softly, rubbing soothing circles on Levi’s back as he crouched next to him. “Levi, come back. I’m still here.” _

_ Levi took a deep, shuddering breath. Shame and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness washed over him. “I love you too, Eren.” Eren’s breath hitched a bit at that; Levi really should say that he loved Eren more. A lot more. “A lot. But… you know.” Levi made vague hand motions in the air, of nothing in particular. _

_ Eren understood. _

_ “I know, Levi, I know. And you know what? It’s fine. Just stay. Stay, and breathe. We’ll pull through. We always do. After all,” Eren’s lips twisted into a wry smile, “we’re Humanity’s Strongest Hope.” _

_ Levi scrunched his brow at that for a second, before his brain fully processed what Eren had just said. The corners of his eyes crinkled, just the tiniest bit. _

_ “Strongest… Hope, huh,” he mused. “Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, along with Humanity’s Hope. We are quite the, ah, pair, aren’t we?” _

_ Eren nodded enthusiastically. “I was playing around with our titles the other day before going to bed - it was one of  _ those _ nights, the ones where you just can’t seem to fall asleep, no matter what - and came up with it. Sounds pretty great, huh?” Levi smiled - a genuine one, Eren noted happily - and nodded. _

_ “Humanity’s… Strongest Hope.” Levi looked over at Eren, a serious look falling over his eyes. “You do know what that means? It’s our title - both of our’s. Even if no one else knows this name you gave us, it still stands true among us. It’s a title we’ll have to live up to.” _

_ Eren grinned again - how was this man so positive and bright? - before saying, “If it’s the two of us, I’m sure we can do it.” _

_ Way too optimistic. _

_ “Ever heard the saying that goes something like… becoming a god, or something akin to that - that is the loneliest achievement of all?” _

_ Eren looked slightly puzzled, shaking his head in confusion. _

_ “No? Well, just think about it. The loneliest achievement…” Levi suddenly thought about it himself. “But what if you weren’t god by yourself?” he mused aloud. “What if there was someone constant in your life, and that the only reason you could be anywhere near god was because they had been with you in the first place?” _

_ Eren was silent for a bit, before laughing and reaching up from where he was crouching down by Levi’s side to tousle his hair. Eren  _ knew _ Levi hated it when he did that (which was obviously why he did it in the first place). _

_ “Levi, you sometimes confuse me you know? Times like this, I realize how far ahead of me you are - and always will be.” Levi scowled - was that a subtle jab at his age? - but didn’t press the topic any farther. He had just needed to get that out. _

_ “But anyway,” Eren continued, going back to where he had been previously seated across the desk, “we got distracted. Tsk tsk, Captain Levi - how could you let an annoying and inexperienced” - here Eren teasingly put in air quotes - “‘young brat’ distract you? How very… unprofessional.” _

_ “Leave me alone - let an old man live his life in peace,” Levi retorted, struggling to keep back a grin. “But yeah, back to the case.” Once again, he took the papers in his hands and scanned them over, before flipping them around to show Eren. _

_ “What this case is, essentially,” Levi rifled through the papers, stopping on a page with a roughly-drawn scene, “is that the people of the Underground are trying - yet again - to gain citizenship up here. There are two suspected leaders. The rest is all up in the air; and that’s what they want us to investigate. Whether it really is just another case of trying to revolt, or if there’s something more to it. Seems there might have been a rise in more… concerning issues down there, lately. Though I say it’s nothing - knowing the people down there, they’re probably doing this on purpose, trying to bring us down there, then-” Levi cut himself short there, as if catching himself from saying something he hadn’t intended. “Well, who knows what might happen.” _

_ Eren threw him a look - the I-know-you’re-hiding-something look - but didn’t ask any farther, which Levi was grateful for. Sometimes this kid had some sense. _

_ “Why are the MP suddenly asking us - well, you,” Eren quickly corrected himself, “to investigate? Do they normally care about what goes on down there, or do they just leave them be?” _

_ Here Levi furrowed his brow, thinking about this. “To be honest, I don’t tend to care what the higher-ups spend their days doing, so I wouldn’t be sure. But,” Levi twisted his mouth into a wry smile, “for sure, at least while I was down there - they were quite active. I was quite, how to put it - infamous? That’s one way to put it.” _

_ Eren laughed a little at that. “What did I expect. Levi, now known as the strongest man living… Of course you were even well known as a criminal. I shouldn’t even be surprised.” _

_ Levi narrowed his eyes a bit, struggling to contain a smile. “And how, oh smart one, did you figure that I was a criminal?” _

_ “Well, I assumed. You look kinda thug-ish, you know? Being completely honest. I can easily imagine you scaring off a bunch of grown men with just a glare. It’s kind of funny of think about, actually.” Eren tapped his chin, evidently trying to imagine what it had been like. “Oh my titans, I just tried to imagine an  _ even shorter _ you,” Eren laughed, enjoying this a little too much. “Fighting like, super buff old people. And you trying to be menacing by trying to pull yourself a bit higher? But you probably wouldn’t need to do that - just your eyes would be enough to scare them off.”  _

_ At this point, Eren could barely talk through his laughter, as he pictured everything in his mind, Levi scowling deeply at him. _

_ “Oi. I was a decent-” Levi paused here, thinking about it before changing his choice of words, “-relatively okay person down there. As ‘relatively okay’ as someone can get, after living there most of their lives. But yeah, I was more or less a criminal. A criminal who was too good at their job, at that.” _

_ Eren raised an eyebrow. “Is that lowkey bragging that I’m hearing in that tone? Tsk tsk, Levi, are you  _ proud _ of being a good criminal?” Even though Eren was clearly teasing him, Levi still decided to answer that seriously. _

_ “Of course not. Do you think anyone could be proud of such a twisted past? Of such a low, humiliating past? I’m just trying to make it seem lighter than it actually is, for you. You don’t need to hear every dark and gruesome detail.” _

_ Eren thoughtfully propped his chin on his hand, leaning onto the table. “You know, I really wouldn’t mind hearing about it. I’m a pretty mature man,” - here Levi made a face, as if trying to keep from outright laughing at that - “hey! I am! And I like hearing about you. Anything about you. Whether it’s just what you read before sleeping last night, or why we should really keep the soldiers’ barracks cleaner, or which position you prefer in bed--” Levi cut him off with a sharp cough, and Eren side-eyed him playfully. “Though of course, I’d rather  _ do _ that than hear about it, but hey, listening at least gives me something to fantasize about during the nights you’re busy or--” _

_ “Okay, okay, stop. It’s barely evening, let me finish my paperwork first.” _

_ Eren visibly perked up. _

_ “Is that a yes?” _

_ “That was a request for you to let me finish my work.” _

_ “It’s a yes!” _

_ Seeing green eyes glitter in excitement and triumph really gave Levi no other choice. _

_ “But!” Eren said, not wanting to be sidetracked by certain pleasurable promises, “Really! I like hearing about you. Anything. As previously said. I mean, you don’t ha--” _

_ “Eren. Do you know why I’m trying - purposefully - to not let you see who the past me is? No? Do you know why I refuse to tell you who - what - I used to be? No?” Eren shook his head, wanting Levi to continue.  _

_ “How to say this. I’m--My past, my shadow - it’s all blood. That’s one way to put it, I guess. My entire shadow is blood, just a big trail of blood behind me. It’s not something you should want to know. It’s not something I want you to know.” _

_ Eren snorted. “If you’re going to put it like that, then we all have a big shadow or whatever of blood behind us. We’re  _ soldiers _ for titans’ sake, Levi.” _

_ He winced. That wasn’t exactly what he had meant. “No, uhm. Titan blood? Yeah, I guess. I meant uhm. Like, humans? Titans aren’t the only things I’ve ever killed, you know. I mean, yeah I guess we can think of titans as part human but that’s also not what I mean. I mean small, normal-sized humans - no, don’t say anything about my height. I’ve done way too much in my past - everything is so bloodstained, and I have to keep myself facing forward so that you don’t see any of the blood behind me.” _

_ If Levi had looked up from staring intently at his hands, he might have seen Eren rolling his eyes. But he didn’t, and he also missed when Eren leaned across the table. _

_ Eren smacked Levi upside the head. _

_ The look on Levi’s face it wasn’t angry. Or dangerous. He simply looked vulnerable. Surprised. Tired. Resigned. But much more of surprised. _

_ There were times when Levi made it extremely hard for other people (especially those closest to him) to decide whether they really, really liked him - or whether they really, really hated him. He was that sort of person. _

_ An example of times when he made it really easy to like him was when he noticed little things. If a fellow soldier was too overworked and exhausted, Levi made sure to have them rest for at least a day (if the time could be spared). If a new trainee was having trouble finding some of the cleaning equipment, he would be more than happy to help. _

_ At those times, Levi was an angel. _

_ On the other hand, times when Levi made it really easy to hate him sprung up far too often. He was a merciless captain, working his soldiers until they were tired to the bone and ready to drop - only to tell them to go and clean the dining hall again. _

_ At those times, Levi was the devil. _

_ But then there were times like these - times that still shocked most people except Eren - that made you forget all the times you couldn’t decide whether to like or hate him. It made you see him as simply, and only, human. _

_ “Levi, guess what?” Eren asked, tone light and cheery. Though there was something about his tone of voice that made Levi feel he was slightly annoyed. “You’re hiding again. What you’re doing is hiding from your past. I feel kinda stupid every time I lecture you, because I think back on it and think,  _ Who am I to talk to Levi like that? _ But then I realize, I’m  _ Eren _. And I can probably get away with saying stupid and corny and harsh things to you, because all’s well that ends well, isn’t it? _

_ “I think you don’t realize a lot of things. You don’t want your past to define yourself, or something generic and cliché along those lines. But at the same time, you shouldn’t hide. Build off of what you experienced before, and just make sure you don’t make the same mistakes and stuff. That would be quite stupid.” _

_ Levi raised an eyebrow.  _ You don’t say that would be quite stupid _ , is what Levi wants to but didn’t say. He didn’t interrupt Eren at all, which Eren took as his cue to continue on. _

_ “Just. Stop hiding. I’m pretty sure I’ve told you this like, gazillions of times, but I  _ really don’t care _ what you did in the past. Or even what you’re doing right now, actually. I just care about  _ who _ you are - you’re the one who is supposed to be leading us all to fight! You’re not supposed to be here, hiding things because you’re scared what others would think about your past.” Eren rethought that last bit. “Actually, okay, maybe it’s fine to be scared of what others would think. But not me! You really shouldn’t be worried about me leaving you so easily - that’s what you’re really worried about, aren’t you?” He sent an accusing look at Levi, who flinched slightly at this. _

_ Bingo. _

_ Levi hated, hated opening himself up. Even if it was for Eren - it was shameful, humiliating, for others to see who he really was. No matter how much of him Eren had already known, every time he told him something new it still made him feel guilty. Ashamed. Wishing he could do anything to not be the person he really was. _

_ “Stop. Avoiding!” This time, Eren really seemed to be annoyed. Even… slightly mad? “How many times do I have to say this, Levi?! Sometimes, I really just want to beat up that part of you. Fight it until it’s so tired, so done with bothering you that it just. Leaves you alone. And I’m going to do just that, until you finally get this idea stuck in your head that I’m  _ not. Going. To leave. You.  _ At least not willingly, and without putting up my best fight.” _

_ “Believe me, I don’t want this either!” Levi snapped, voice sharp and tight. He wasn’t mad at Eren. He wasn’t really mad at all. He just needed to remind himself of everything that Eren was saying, and perhaps he was a masochist, but he probably wouldn’t be able to fully take it in unless it was beat into him. A flash of triumph passed through Eren’s eyes, though it was only for a moment; fast enough that Levi didn’t catch it. “I don’t want to be like this, I want to be able to accept everything! But I’m really  _ ashamed, _ ashamed of everything I am. I don’t want to show that side to anyone - and maybe for a while, I was really, truly scared that if I showed this terrifying part of me, it would scare you away. And I was so, so scared - I didn’t want to risk it, so I had tried to avoid it all. _

_ “I guess, after awhile, it just became habit for me. To avoid saying anything about myself. It’s not like I purposefully tried to hide it from you. Though I guess I didn’t really want you finding out about it either. I found everything about myself disgusting and revolting and embarrassing and just flat-out  _ shameful _.” _

_ Eren smiled. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Levi. Since we’re all humans, if you have something to be ashamed about then I guess we all do. Especially those of us in the Survey Corps. I have a lot of blood on my hands, too. I mean, I’m basically the one to blame for the blood of your Special Ops squad. Let’s face reality here - we’re all killers here. Comes with the occupation.  _ But _ that doesn’t mean we get to hide and try to forget everything in the past. As I said - remember and use our past, learn from it. So we won’t be the same person.” _

_ Levi looked at Eren in awe and amusement. _

_ “Eren, what happened?” he laughed gently, fondness laced in his voice. “When did you mature so much? When did you become so wise? It seems it was just yesterday when  _ I _ was the one that had to lecture you, when  _ I _ was the one that had to pick you up and comfort you. I’ve fallen down a long ways, haven’t I.” _

_ Eren smirked, mischievous and teasing. “Either that, or you’re just aging. It’s almost time for you to retire, isn’t it? Maybe I could take your place soon.” _

_ He scoffed. “Not a chance, Jaeger. You’re about a hundred lifetimes too early for that.” _

* * *

 

There’s a state, while you sleep and dream, called lucidity.

Lucidity is a state in which you are still dreaming, but the dreamer has become conscious of the fact that they are, in fact, dreaming. You’re still dreaming, and asleep, but you’re aware that what you’re experiencing, what you’re seeing - it’s all a dream.

If one were to imagine it, you might think of it this way: Perhaps you’re flying through the air; the ground is a vivid blur of colours beneath you, and you can feel the air rushing past you. But even as you experience this in your dreaming state, you can think to yourself, “This is all a dream.” When you are able to consciously think that thought, but are still dreaming, you have entered the state of lucid dreaming.

Research claims that is it still unknown and debatable as to whether people can control their lucid dreams or not - though in a lot of cases it has been mentioned how the people seem to be in control of their dreams.

Research also claims that at least 51% of the human population have dreamt in lucidity at least once in their lifetimes. That was barely the majority.

If that was so, then Levi was part of the minority. He’s never been able to acknowledge that hey, this is all a dream; much less be able to even control the tiniest detail of it.

Scientists looking for usages and advantages of lucid dreaming said that it could be used to lessen - or even stop - nightmares. Using lucid dreaming, they can put a stop to the scary dreams; highly useful in helping people with PTSD, or children that constantly get nightmares.

Levi never really had dreams that even gave him a  _ choice _ to control. His dreams - at least, the ones he remembers, because again the all-knowing scientists say that people forget as much as ninety-five percent of their dreams - are always,  _ always _ memories. 

And of course, altering memories isn’t entirely possible, as much as he wishes they were. That would be extremely helpful and welcomed, when it came to his memories.

So when Levi is jolted awake from his dreams - memories? - he was more than grateful for whoever was spamming him with enough messages to wake him from such a deep memory.

Come to think of it, he hadn’t really kept in touch with those two as he had said he would, ever since he had walked out on them. After he had snapped at them, implicitly - or not - that he did not want to be with those two.

Which wasn’t entirely true.

And all that had been…

What day was it today? Thursday?

Crap. Five days ago.

He scrambled to sit up in bed, feeling around groggily for his phone with a slight sense of déja vu.

Once he found it, it’s screen was already lit up by the previous text sent only a couple seconds ago.

_ 10:27 AM _

Was it really that late already? It was uncommon for Levi to sleep in - but then again, interactions with humans, exhaustion from over thinking, and dreams infused with memories and feels gave him quite the valid excuse to do so.

His phone chimed with another text. Levi glanced down at the open lock screen.

_ 48 missed calls _

_ 243 unread texts _

_ 10:27 AM - Four-Eyes: Sash what if we started a fire with fireworks just outsi… _

_ 10:27 AM - Unknown: Do you think he would reply if we started a catastrop… _

_ 10:26 AM - Unknown: Okay but it’s been four days do you think he really … _

_ 10:26 AM - Four-Eyes: I don’t think he’s actually mad he probably just bei… _

_ 10:26 AM - Four-Eyes: LeeeEEEEVvvvIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIII _

_ 10:26 AM - Four-Eyes: LEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIII _

_ 10:26 AM - Four-Eyes: LEVI _

_ 10:25 AM - Unknown: Levi, do you have classes today? _

Levi didn’t bother scrolling through the rest of the notifications; he simply dropped his phone on his bed, and went to the kitchen cupboard where he kept medication and first-aid. He found a bottle of aspirin, and popped a pill into his mouth before finding a glass of water to swallow it. Heaven knows the size of the headache that he would get once he read through and replied to their messages.

Walking back to his room with the glass of water in hand, he sat back down on the edge of his bed and set the glass on the nightstand. His phone chimed again, and he picked it up, unlocking it and pressing the call button for the new, unfamiliar number.

“Hello? Levi?” came the uncertain voice on the other end of the line.

“Yeah. It’s me,” Levi replied gruffly, a bit nervous. He didn’t like talking on the phone much.

“Oh. My. Titans.” Levi wanted to laugh at that familiar phrase, but before he could do so he heard a click on the other end of the phone. He stared disbelievingly at the phone in his hand. Did she just--

Sasha had hung up on him.

Seconds later, his phone chimes with several more new text messages.

_ 10:34 AM _

_ Unknown _

_ >>Sorry Levi, I didn’t mean to hang up on you _

_ >>I was just kind of surprised! _

_ >>and so I needed to tell Hanji too _

_ >>hanji? _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>u hung up on levi??? _

_ >>waIT HE CALLED U??? _

_ >>LEVI WAT _

Levi made a mental note to make a contact for Sasha later. After this whole conversation was over.

_ 10:36AM _

_ Me _

_ <<Yeah it’s fine. I figured you wouldn’t hang up for no reason, I guess. _

_ Unknown _

_ >>hehe yeah _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>ur joking _

_ >>theres no way levi called u _

_ >>levi never calls anyone _

_ >>actually _

_ >>unless its a groundbreaking revolution _

_ Me _

_ <<I think you mean revelation, four-eyes. _

_ <<And I do call people. _

_ <<Occasionally. _

_ <<How would you even know? You’ve barely known me for a week in this life. _

_ Unknown _

_ >>ok ok but since we’re all here now _

_ >>levi, why did u call me??? _

_ >>was there something urgent? _

Levi took a deep breath. Might as well. He started typing again.

_ 10:40AM _

_ Me _

_ <<Well, first of all, I should apologize _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>yEah YOu shOulD _

_ >>ok i could practically see the glare he sent over _

_ >>continue? _

_ Me _

_ <<So I’m sorry. _

_ <<It was extremely rude of me to say what I did, and well, walking out right after that probably wasn’t the best either. _

_ Unknown _

_ >>its fine, dont worry about it _

_ >>once u get used to hanji, nothing can offend u _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>HEY _

_ >>IM NOT RUDE AT LEAST _

_ Me _

_ <<Maybe not on purpose. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>wats that supposed to mean _

_ Me _

_ <<It means what it says. _

_ Unknown _

_ >>but ok rlly _

_ >>we’re fine _

_ >>was there any other reason for calling? _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>oooooh maybe he just rlly missed us _

_ Me _

_ <<Well, it has been a while. _

_ <<A lifetime, even. _

_ <<Also don’t you dare set fireworks off in front of my house. _

_ <<How do you even know where I live. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>we have our waaays~ _

_ Unknown _

_ >>wait a sec, ill be right back _

_ >>i needa go make lunch for my bro _

_ >>pls continue tho _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>ooooh make me smth too! _

_ >>ill be over in an hour, btw _

_ Me _

_ <<You two are on  _ visiting _ terms?! _

Perhaps he had read their… friendship a bit wrong.

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>;) ;) ;))))))))) _

_ >>anything else, levi??? _

_ Me _

_ <<Well. _

_ <<It can wait until Sasha comes back. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>buT SHE EXPLICIATLEY TOLD US TO CONTINESU _

_ Me _

_ <<You’re a university prof, please learn how to spell properly. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>**buT SHE EXPLICITLY TOLD US TO CONTINUE _

_ Me _

_ <<Maybe so, but I feel like it would still be appropriate to wait. _

_ <<Just a side note though. _

_ <<Have you looked for anyone else lately? _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>hmmmm actually yes _

_ >>tho ive been busy preparing for another lecture so i havent had much time _

_ >>i think sash was tho???? _

_ >>y??? are ur suddenly scuriosu??? _

_ >>*****curious _

_ Me _

_ <<No. Just wondering. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>u do know that curious and wondering are pretty much the same??. _

_ Unknown _

_ >>im back!!! _

_ >>oh yeah sure hanji, i made extra _

_ >>just a simple sandwich tho _

_ >>u dont mind? _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>of course not!!! _

_ >>levi i bet her sandwiches taste better than most of ur cooking _

_ >>i know it sure beats mine _

_ Unknown _

_ >>hanji the last time u tried cooking u burned ur lecture notes. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>NO ONE SPEAKS OF THAT _

_ Me _

_ <<I’m an adequate cook. _

_ <<I can feed myself, and I don’t set anything on fire. _

_ Unknown _

_ >>anyway levi _

_ >>smth u wanted to say…? _

_ Me _

_ <<Yeah, wanna go for dinner together tomorrow evening? _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>leviiiiiii i already called dibs on her! _

_ Me _

_ <<I meant the three of us you idiot. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>ok good _

_ >>it did sound like u were trynna ask her out tho _

_ >>just sayin _

_ Unknown _

_ >>lol  _

_ >>tho im pretty sure levi has eyes for no one but eren _

_ >>but sure yeah im free tmrw evening _

_ Me _

_ <<Great, I’ll treat. We can talk a bit more there. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>im totally down for this _

_ >>one question tho _

_ >>how does someone like u _

_ >>living alone, not working as far as i can tell, university student _

_ >>how do u even have enough money to treat us all _

_ Me _

_ <<Idiot. _

_ <<If I didn’t work, how else would I even get food on my table. _

_ <<Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it covered. _

_ Unknown _

_ >>oh levi, u work??? _

_ >>wat type? _

_ Me _

_ <<Nothing fancy. _

_ <<Just an instructor at the MMA centre across town. _

_ <<Though I’m on a break right now, work’s kinda slow there lately and there just isn’t any need for so many instructors right now. _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>oooOOOOOH SOUNDS COOL _

_ >>WE MIGHT WANNA CRASH UR CLASS ONE DAY _

_ Me _

_ <<Don’t you ever dare. _

_ Unknown _

_ >>thats so cool!!! _

_ >>do u think i could send my little bro over to try out a class smtime??? _

_ Me _

_ <<I don’t see why not. I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow night, sound good? _

_ Unknown _

_ >>yup, thanks!!! _

_ Four-Eyes _

_ >>k ill see levi tmrw evening _

_ >>sash imma go to ur place now, ill be there in ten! _

_ Unknown _

_ >>sure thing _

_ >>levi, ill be going now _

_ >>see u tmrw then!! _

_ Me _

_ <<Sure yeah, see you guys tomorrow. _

After saying their good-byes, Levi finally set his phone down. He’d probably need more than one pill of aspirin tomorrow evening.

* * *

 

“All I’m saying is that I’m somewhat willing to take part in this crazy search.”

“And all  _ I’m _ saying is that you’re still hopelessly in love!” Hanji yelled, loud enough to be heard over the pounding music in the background.

Levi scowled. “What does that even have to do with being willing to help you guys?” He picked up his rapidly-warming beer and took a swig. 

Hanji’s eyes glittered, and her cheeks were tinged with a fair amount of pink; probably from way too much alcohol already. And it was only - Levi glanced down at the phone in his hands - nine forty pm. But then again, it could just be from the excitement to his acceptance.

“Awwww Levi!” she hiccuped, reaching for her third beer. Sasha quickly whipped it away from Hanji though, with a shrug and look that seemed to say “Pace yourself.” Hanji whined in response.

“This could be the best love story  _ ever! _ Two lovers from another lifetime - spending the current one, searching both high and low for each other! Searching the  _ world! _ And then, one day, being reunited! Isn’t that the greatest story ever? I would totally read that. Like, totally!” Levi had no trouble hearing each and every word she was saying, even through the loud music. He sighed, not really wanting to respond to that.

Sasha laughed softly, with a small apologetic smile at Levi. “Hanji, we’re not only looking for Eren, you know. And besides, we don’t even know if we could find anyone else. Or if anyone is even alive at this current time - because we know that Erwin and Armin sure aren’t.” 

Internally, Levi thanked Sasha. This girl, surprisingly, actually had a pretty good sense of the mood - and when to intercede.

“Then, then - it can be a tragic love story!” Hanji exclaimed, as if she hadn’t heard the part about not only looking for Eren. “Oh, like, like Romeo and Juliet! Two moon-crossed lovers, separated by both time and space - finding each other, only to be separated by the wolves again!”

Levi rolled his eyes. “That’s not how the play goes, you airhead. It’s two  _ star- _ crossed lovers, and they weren’t separated by time - they lived in the same period! And I don’t even know how you managed to fit in wolves there. They were separated by their families, and then, ultimately, death.”

Both Sasha and Hanji giggled here (though probably for very different reasons) and Sasha surrendered Hanji’s beer back to her, after much poking and prodding and whining from Hanji. She looked fondly at the nearly-drunk woman in front of her before turning back to Levi, who had been mindful enough to look away during that little moment.

“I think Hanji’s too gone by now to actually say this while knowing what she’s saying, but Levi, I’m really glad you’re going to help. Thanks.”

Levi snorted. “I’m not doing this for you guys, so don’t thank me.” 

His eyes caught Sasha’s, and she smiled before waving at a waiter to grab another drink that looked like it was infused with way too much sugar and alcohol. “Sure you aren’t,” she replied airily.

She didn’t sound the least bit convinced.

He frowned, and dropped the topic. “Anyway, weren’t we going to go out for dinner? How’d we end up at a bar? By dinner, I had meant at like, an actual diner. With actual food. Not just sugary alcoholic drinks and little cakes mixed with just as much sugar and alcohol.” 

Sasha shrugged, and glanced over at the professor slouched all over the counter with her beer in hand. “I think Hanji had a lot to deal with at work today - they had a meeting about curriculum changes or something today, and I think there were some changes that she didn’t agree with. No one else could really agree with her though, I think. So I figured she might need this. Sorry if it’s too much; we can pay our own shares, if you want.”

“No it’s fine; money’s not an issue, I guess. I was just curious,” Levi said. He needed to unwind a bit too, after so much thinking and the papers he had been working on this week.

“Sashaaaaaaaaaa I wanna dance!” Hanji yelled, about ten decibels higher than the the music. They were all going to go deaf at this rate, with Hanji’s yelling mixed into the loud chatter and music all around.

“Sure thing, Hanji.” Sasha set down their drinks on the counter, and took the older woman’s arm. “Levi, you don’t mind?” she asked. He shook his head, and waved for them to go ahead. 

“I’ll just text you if I need to find you guys,” he said. Sasha nodded, and the two of the proceeded on to the dancefloor.

_ They’re actually quite a pair, huh,  _ Levi reflected to himself as he watched them let loose. It had never really struck him how well those two might get along, but he supposed that they would take any chances in this life - it wasn’t every day that you got to find someone you knew from a previous life. 

In a way, Levi was slightly jealous. In a new life, those two had gotten the chance to reconnect - and even deepen - their relationship. They had both found someone to help them through whatever nightmares - and heaven  _ knows _ how many there were bound to be - that they both had to suffer through.

Whatever their relationship at this point entailed, Levi knew that Sasha was in good hands, if anything; Hanji could be loving, at the very least. Though ‘love’ might mean something very different for Hanji than what it meant to Sasha and Levi.

Levi chuckled dryly into his beer as he remembered one of the (several) conversations he had with Hanji when he had been coming to terms with his feelings, and was struggling to express more of himself to Eren.

It hadn’t been the most helpful conversation, but it had been pretty insightful.

_ “What’s love, Hanji?” _

_ “Haaaah??” the scientist dragged out an expression of frustration. “What’s this all of a sudden, I thought we were talking about more potential uses of Eren’s blood, not love? Unless you have a blood thing? Oooh, maybe a blood fetish? An interest in hematolagnia, perhaps?” _

_ Levi scowled. “What? No, I don’t have an interest in hema… whatever you just said. Wait,” Levi’s eyes narrowed, “we were talking about potential uses of Eren’s blood? We are  _ not _ using Eren’s blood. For anything. He’ll faint in the middle of training or something; it’d be too much of a hassle. Besides, we already lose enough blood out there - there’s absolutely  _ no need _ for us to take any more than necessary, no matter how crazy his regeneration is.” _

_ Hanji laughed - or rather, cackled. That seemed to be the only way she knew how to laugh. “So I was right, I guess. You weren’t listening? But it’s cute seeing how much you care, short stack. Though I’m sure it being too much of a hassle isn’t the  _ only _ reason you’re so worried.” She quickly leapt out of the way, just in case. Years of experience had taught her well. Levi didn’t aim a kick at her, though; merely a weak glare. “We weren’t talking about using Eren’s blood, by the way. It’s nice to know that my talk is of interest to you - we were discussing undercover methods. But yes, Levi, continue? What were you saying, love and all that?” _

_ “Yeah. Love. What is it? How would you define it?” _

_ “Well.” Hanji pushed up her glasses a bit, the light catching the lenses in a way that was ridiculously cliché. “To give you a scientific reason - love is influenced by hormones, like oxytocin, and neurotrophins, like NGF, and and pheromones. On the not so technical side, it’s also influenced by the person’s perspectives on love itself, and how they view it. Their own conceptions do matter, quite a bit. So, unless you have a more specific question - I’ll have to say that the definition for ‘love’ would vary from person to person.” _

_ Levi grunted. That wasn’t the answer he was looking for. _

_ “Oh, and now you’re thinking that it wasn’t the answer you were looking for, right?” He scowled; sometimes this genius was, well - too much of a genius. He didn’t confirm (nor deny, Hanji noticed) the statement, though. _

_ “Well then, I’ll tell you my own views. Is that what you would like?” Without waiting for an answer, she went on. “Personally, I view love as a really fascinatingly interesting part of human beings - what is it about this word, ‘love’, that would change so many people? Why do people chase after this feeling so much? _

_ “It’s weird, but I think after joining the Survey Corps it gets… well, it gets even weirder. In the world we live in - which is already dangerous enough, mind you - people still follow after this emotion. Even knowing that our entire world is in jeopardy here. But here, for us - well, you and Eren are a prime example. _

_ “We live a life that is far more dangerous than what normal civilians would have to live through. And yet, even still, these feelings manage to surface. So obviously, ‘danger’ isn’t a component that would stop love. Then what could stop love? Is it possible to stop this so-called ‘unstoppable’ emotion? _

_ “I have so many more questions, but I think I’m boring you now. Ah, I never really got around to my point! My view on love. Right.” _

_ It almost seemed like Hanji was having a conversation with herself; perhaps she was, and Levi was only sticking around to make her seem more sane.  _

_ “I think love… it’s a great thing.  _ Probably _. It might hurt, and it might change a lot of things - but then again, it might not. When the variables change, the result is different. And the variables in this sort of thing, they’re always different. But I still think it’s worth it. Love is something that makes you want to  _ act _ , and maybe sometimes it isn’t the smartest decision but love makes it not so bad. _

_ “I kind of want to personally experience this. Maybe not exactly now, but later. Sometime. Any time. Maybe not even in this lifetime. But I do want to feel it myself. Oh, speaking of this lifetime - Levi, do you want to go over the theories of titans being people from other lifetimes? Don’t give me such a constipated look, it could be possible, since we haven’t done aging tests on them, and you know Ymir? She refuses to tell me just how old she is, and so I was thinking…” _

Levi leaned back against the counter.

_ “Maybe not even in this lifetime,”  _ she had said.

He was honestly really glad that at least  _ one _ thing that Hanji had really, truly wanted had come to light.

* * *

 

Two days later, they met up again - at another café this time. Nothing in the world could convince Levi to go to another bar with Hanji.

“Okay. Okay, okay. So Levi suggested online researching, which is,  _ probably,” _ Hanji emphasized the word ‘probably’ with waving hands and arms and anything else that could be waved, “the fastest and most efficient way to find out.  _ And _ the most obvious way. We did find information on Erwin and Armin within seconds, by doing so.”

Of  _ course _ that was the fastest way; after all, what was modern technology for if it couldn’t even help with this sort of thing?

“ _However,_ ” Hanji continued, arms crossed as she surveyed them through her glasses. “However. I’ve already tried that.” Levi raised eyebrow in her direction; Sasha seemed more interested in the arrangement of their drinks rather than the discussion.

“And?” Levi prompted, swirling a bit more sugar into his tea distractedly. He then realized what he was doing, and grimaced; he wasn’t really one for sweet things. Oh well.

“And the search results were inconclusive. Sure, we found Erwin and Armin super fast - but that was only because we’d already had information on them, and knew exactly what to search up about them. I tried searching up Petra. Petra Ral? She seemed easy enough, I had thought. I found way too many people, and they can’t all be her. I’ve clicked through way too many online profiles, as well as a couple history documents. None of them gave me enough information to confirm that it was her. Most of them gave me enough information to confirm that it was  _ not _ her.”

Sasha finally looked up from her arranging pumpkin spiced  _ something _ drink. “So your point is that we’ll need a better method of searching. Got it.” She focussed back on her drink, this time actually drinking it instead of just admiring it.

Hanji bobbed her head up and in agreement, her frizzy hair bouncing along. It was slightly distracting. Levi simply rolled his eyes and continued staring determinedly at anything  _ but _ the owner of the messy hair.

“I think - maybe we just shouldn’t look so hard?” Hanji suggested, tentatively. Like she was testing out the words. Well,  _ that _ was a surprise.

“And why do you think that, after dragging me into all of this in the first place?” Levi asked, slightly annoyed.

Hanji shrugged, unbothered by Levi’s apparent annoyance at the change in plans. “Well, you found those two without meaning to - and we managed to basically confirm that those  _ are _ , indeed, the Erwin and Armin that we knew. It was a lot easier that way, wasn’t it? To let them just pop up?”

“Yeah,” Sasha interjected. “And didn’t you find Hanji without meaning to?” Levi winced at that; he remembered all too clearly how he had expressed that he hadn’t  _ wanted _ to find them. Sasha noticed, and grinned widely. “And probably without wanting to, either. But you’re stuck with both of us now, so deal with it.”

“So we went through all this trouble for the past two days, and just ended up with nothing. And now you two are suggesting that we just  _ drop _ the search?”

“Nope. I never said to drop the search,” Hanji pointed out. “I only said that we shouldn’t put as much conscious effort into it. And besides, it’s only been two days. I think we have plenty of time, so let’s not be so tense, okay?”

“Who’s being tense? We’re not tense,” Levi said.

The looks the two of them gave him told them that they weren’t buying his words. At all.

He tried.

Everyone gave some sign of approval to this idea after a bit, and Levi just let them chatter on a bit as he drank his tea, internally mulling over what Hanji had said. She had a point.

After a couple minutes, the table fell strangely quiet; suspiciously so. Levi brought his eyes to rest on the two brunettes sitting in front of him, who were in turn staring at him expectantly as he held his cup of tea in his hands.

He scowled. “What?”

It was Sasha who spoke up first.

“Well, actually, I was wondering what you were drinking.”

That was most definitely  _ not _ the question he was expecting.

He looked down at the drink in his hand. “It’s green ginger mint tea.” Levi swirled the tea around in the cup a bit. “Good for the digestion,” he added as an afterthought.

At that, raucous laughter erupted from Hanji’s mouth. “Really? ‘Good for the digestion’ - I can’t believe you said that with a straight face! What are you, an old man?”

Sasha remained serious, and was shaking her head vehemently at Levi. “No. No, no, no, no, no. Didn’t you mix sugar into that tea earlier?”

Did he? He did. Hesitantly, Levi nodded, unsure of where this conversation was leading to. “Uhm, yes?”

“No!” Sasha replied strongly, shocking some other people sitting a couple tables down. “You’re supposed to mix honey into it! Honey! Or even agave nectar!  _ Not _ sugar.” She continued shaking her head in disappointment as the waiter came over with two slices of some sort of pie. Probably pumpkin. And heaped up with whipped cream. A lot of it.  _ And _ who knows what other diabetes-inducing sweets on top.

“Besides!” she continued lecturing him as she simultaneously took pictures. “Don’t you know what time of year it is?”

He looked blankly at Sasha. Of  _ course _ he knew what time of year it was; Levi may be many things, but stupid, he liked to think not.

Sasha answered her own question before he even had the chance to. “It’s fall! Autumn! Halloween season!  _ Thanksgiving _ season!”

The temptation of the sweet delicacy before them seemed to prove too much, and both Hanji and Sasha dug into their slices of pie at the same time. At least Sasha had enough manners to know not to talk with her mouth full. After swallowing several mouthfuls, she continued freaking out at Levi.

“Why don’t you have anything pumpkin spiced? It’s literally pumpkin spice season! Pumpkin spice lattés, pumpkin spice muffins, pumpkin spice tea, pumpkin spice marshmallows, pumpkin spice  _ sprinkles!” _

He hadn’t even known that most of them were a  _ thing _ .

* * *

 

Abe… Alloway… Anreus… Bell… Bondil… Cheetham… Cohen… Duthuit… 

Ugh. There were way too many to look through; impatient and frustrated, Levi grabbed the thinnest book he could find on that shelf (which wasn’t much thinner than the rest, but he didn’t want even those few extra pages to look through). It wasn’t a book he’d heard of before, but it seemed to cover what he needed.

This would do.

Flipping quickly through the pages, there were several pages of writing - who needs a preface that long? - before the author finally started talking about the actual period of art itself.

He brought the book to a small table by the shelves, settling down on the chair tucked in there. He brought out a notebook and pen as he thumbed slowly through the pages, scanning for information that might help in his paper. He didn’t need much; he was only planning on briefly touching upon the subject of art before moving on to other points from this period.

A bright, chipper voice rang out in his mind.

_ “...online searching, which is  _ probably _ the fastest and most efficient way…” _

Levi scowled and flipped the page.

His homework was supposed to be  _ distracting _ him from everything related to his past life - Hanji and Sasha included. Instead, bits of their conversations kept popping into his thoughts.

_Focus, Levi, focus_ , he continually reminded himself as he skimmed for anything that might be useful. This wasn’t going to be his best paper.

The next page was all colourful paintings, of people and tapestries and skies and dogs, with commentaries along the sides. Jotting down some notes on the styles and colours used, Levi flipped through several more pages of art with commentaries by the author, as well as pages of information on the period.

Suddenly, he stopped flipping. Something on a previous page had caught his eye. Caught his eye in the way that when you’re flipping quickly between channels on television and a familiar scene catches your eye, and you backtrack to find out which movie or show it had been.

He turned back and found the two pages, dedicated to someone’s artwork entirely - commentary on the next page, and the artist’s information on the previous page, he assumed. But these pieces caught his eye - and heart - in ways that none of the others had.

The titles all struck a chord in him, too.

_ “To Peace and Freedom”  
_ Picturesque landscapes of rolling hills and occasional trees, and walls rising in the background in a way that seemed way too familiar to him.

_ “False Security”  
_ Huge trees, looming over what seemed to be soldiers atop of horses on the ground.

_ “Before”  
_ A field of flowers, with a young child laying in them under the shade of a tree.

_ “A Shadow of Blood - But You Look Forward”  
_ The silhouette of a soldier, bloodstained and weary but standing proudly, cape bellowing out behind him and almost swallowing up his swords. Looking out, far far forward.

_ “Home is where Love is”  
_ A cup of tea, mug shining and tea steaming.

_ “What You See”  
_ Foggy lands, covered in blood and corpses and steam - but with grey eyes, piercing out through the misty clouds, bold and cutting and fierce.

_ “From Far Beyond Lies Freedom”  
_ Towering walls, bloodstained and crumbling - but still holding up. Petals blowing from beyond the wall, little flecks of light amidst the dark tones.

All of the scenes revealed within the paintings being way too familiar to him, in a way that was terrifyingly intimate and soul-baring.

Levi slowly flipped to the page before.

* * *

 

If one was watching a movie, perhaps the scene unfolding there that day in the library would have gone something like this:

A survey of the serene, calm scene of library shelves and people leisurely looking amongst them. Catching sight of several tables to the sides, showing various people studying. 

All of a sudden, the clatter of a chair can be heard, disturbing the peaceful quiet.

The camera panned over to the man gripping the book way too tightly, fingertips deathly pale against the colourful page. The next thing you know, the book is dropped to the ground - it would have been in slow-motion, maybe. Of course, the camera follows the book falling slowly, pages fluttering but still remaining miraculously open to that exact page the man had been staring at. Like he’d seen a ghost.

Then, the book falls to the ground with a dull but resounding  _ thud _ , and the last thing everyone sees a moment before the screen blacks out are the two words, bolded on the top of the page - along with a date.

**_Eren Jaeger_ **

**_March 30, 1824-February 18th, 1887_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that's it!!!
> 
>  
> 
> ...Is what I would like to say, but there's ONE LAST CHAPTER cuz I can't just end it like that. Though the original plan had been to actually end it here.
> 
> But I couldn't handle it myself and I desperately needed some sort of a happy ending so. There's an epilogue!
> 
> ***  
> Btw y'all flashbacks will generally be in _italics_... Though not all italics are flashbacks?? Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments - man, especially comments - are EXTREMELY APPRECIATED. To those who comment - y'all are my new favourite people.


	6. All Around the Clock Once More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once you've been reincarnated more than once, it starts becoming... almost normal, in a way. Just another part of your whole life. 
> 
> But even with all these lifetimes gone by, Eren still can't let go of one thing. Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE LAST CHAPTER GUYS and it's short and happy. Well, happier. So yay!!!
> 
> And yes most of my knowledge of being a doctor or anything of the such is from Gray's Anatomy oops.

“Have you  _ seen _ some of the new interns though?” One of the resident doctors rambled on, waving excitedly over the fresh batch of interns. Eren had no idea how he could still be so energetic, especially after a whole shift.

“The group I got stuck with, there was this one girl - I think Japanese? Or Chinese. Or Korean. I don’t know, I can’t really tell, but point is, she’s  _ hot. _ Hot in like, a super scary way. She has that ‘I’m gonna beat y’all up if you so much as speak a word to me’ sort of aura. Like honestly, I’m terrified to be around her and I’m not scared of much. Shouldn’t it be the other way?  _ They’re _ supposed to be terrified of  _ me. _ Why has it been flipped?!”

Eren burst out laughing as he clapped his co-worker on the back, almost causing the younger nurse to spill his coffee. “It’s okay, just keep doing what you do and they’ll realize who’s in charge. Your years of experience should show over theirs, put them in their places.”

“But  _ really! _ I’m not joking, just wait till you run into them. It’s almost like you subconsciously just  _ have to _ listen to her! Or rather,  _ want _ to listen to her. Oh, and…” He continued talking, but Eren glanced at the clock across the room before realizing what time it was.

“Crap, sorry I have to go - it’s our fifteen year reunion for our high school grad class, I promised I’d go and it’s across town, so I should leave now… See you guys!” Eren ran out the lounge, struggling to put on his jacket while holding onto his bag.

Eren immediately slowed down to a brisk trot - he had run around way too much in the last forty-eight hours, and was in no rush to do it again. Making his way out the hospital, there was always the constant, quiet hum about - he still couldn’t quite figure if it was of a pleasant sort, or if it be the opposite, and he’d thought about it for four years.

Today, Eren decided that it was more of the pleasant hum; the constant hushed voices of family members, the no-nonsense voices of the older doctors, and the sound of wheels sliding along on the linoleum floors. He was in too good of a mood to think anything was unpleasant, really. (Most of his co-workers could never figure out how Eren was always in a more or less good mood - even after the most tiring shifts. What they didn’t know, of course, was that a terrible forty-eight hour shift had nothing on infiltrating enemy lands, or losing people he loved left and right. This? This was all a pleasant dream, in comparison.)

New interns meant new people to work with - something Eren vastly enjoyed. Usually. At the very least, he enjoyed it when he first met them; the first couple of hours, maybe. After a whole shift, though, his opinion on human beings - new or not - would take a drastic change. However, the past two days hadn’t been  _ terrible, _ per say. No unusual cases, no big problems, and the interns seemed to be more or less sure in what they were doing. Most of the time.

It hadn’t been too bad of a first shift with them, which was saying quite a lot.

Tack that onto the fifteen-year reunion for his grad class today, and he couldn’t possibly be in a better mood. The reunion meant seeing many of his classmates that he hadn’t seen for the entire fifteen years since they graduated - though of course, there were still several that couldn’t make it.

“Man, that was probably one of the most stressful forty-eight hours I’ve  _ ever _ gone through.” Several mumbled agreements drifted from the next corner up ahead. Along with those voices followed eight or nine people, all wearing white coats and with name tags hanging around their necks.

_ Ah. Some of the new interns, _ Eren noted as he gave a bright smile and waved at them. He hadn’t really seen any of these ones around - he had seen a couple of them, perhaps, fleetingly as they rushed along with their resident doctors. They had probably ended up with Strauss, if their overly tired and slumped forms were anything to go by. Strauss was always a nightmare.

The one girl who seemed to still have enough energy actually tried to wave back politely, a small blush dusting her cheeks. Eren winked back at her, causing her to squeak and nearly crash into the wall. Hmmm. Maybe he should tone it down. He wasn’t stupid - that was kind of implied, once you entered med school - and Eren was well aware of his own looks. Tall, tan, bright-eyed? The fantasy of many girls (and guys, Eren hoped) out there.

But he was also thirty-three already, and should not be openly flirting with girls in their twenties. He didn’t even  _ like _ girls. Or most men. He was one-person-sexual, if that was a thing.

Eren managed to glimpse a couple of their name tags and faces before they completely passed each other, recognizing quite a few; many of them recommendations from his university, he realized. He had skimmed through a couple reference letters the months before, but they had flown out his head as he handed the letters off to someone else to approve.

Annie, Franz, Kenny - all names he recognized, but none of their faces matched up. The cons of having lived so many lives, he supposed. You learnt too many names, and expected too much in your following lives.

Expectations set you up for disappointment, an extremely cynical classmate of his had once said. Or had it been a fellow soldier? Either that, or someone he had run into in a conference. Whoever it had been, they had succeeded in making those words stick with him - and he carried them on through many lifetimes.

They may set you up for disappointment, but Eren had always thought of expectations as a form of hope; and if he wasn’t hopeful, then he was nothing.

Eren had never lost hope, not after going through all these lives.

He had reason and motivation to keep the hope going, though. It wasn’t like he had gone through all these years without anything that helped encourage him - Eren had a feeling that even he would have given up if there had been no one to push him forward, to give him even just a little extra bit of light.

A few lives ago - two? maybe three - Eren had died early. Even earlier than his first life. He had been walking home on a rainy night and was hit by a drunk driver; not the best way to go out, he thought, but what mattered was that he had gotten something out of those measly fourteen years he had been alive.

That same night he had been hit, he’d met up with Hanji. Up until that life, Eren had never run into anyone from his first life - which had been arguably one of the most terrifying - though people from his other lives had popped up occasionally.

It wasn’t that he never looked for anyone; if anything, much of his life had been dedicated to finding out anything he could. He’d never been satisfied by what he found out - Erwin popped up a couple times in history, sometimes with Armin (those lucky guys… they had probably found a way to bribe Fate into sticking them together) as well as Reiner and Zeke.

But they weren’t who he was looking for. Every single life, his timing was always off.

Meeting Hanji had been a sort of unexpected surprise, to say the least. Hanji always seemed to be unexpected in everything she did.

She’d been old. Very old. Old generally either gave off the feeling of wise  _ or _ cranky - Hanji was neither. She had been very much herself when he had gone to visit her in the nursing home.

_ “How many lives have you gone through, Hanji?” _

_ She rocked thoughtfully back and forth on her chair. “I think four, at the very least.” _

_ “You… think?” _

_ “Well, I said I think because I don’t actually remember. In my… second? Yeah, I think it was my second life - in my second life, I ran into Levi.” Hanji didn’t notice Eren jolt upright. “So much happened in that life. Quite easily one of my favourite seventy years. Anyway, I learned a lot. And after that… I just stopped counting. So by approximation, four or five lives.” _

_ “Wait. Wait, wait. Stop. Backtrack,” Eren stuttered, not really having a coherent thought process right then. Hanji gave him a lazy look, slowly pushing up her glasses a bit. _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “Levi. You said Levi. You said you ran into Levi.” Hanji nodded with each of his statements. _

_ “That I did. That’s what made that life one of the best.” _

_ “How was he?” Eren asked, fifty percent nervous, fifty percent excited, and two hundred percent curious. “Still short? Did he remember everything? Still as grumpy? Obsessed with cleaning? And tea?” _

_ “Shorty-cakes… do you think he could be anything  _ but _ short, in any of his lives?” Hanji said with clear amusement written across her features. “Absolutely short. Absolutely grumpy. Absolutely a freak over cleaning and tea. Absolutely remembered everything. And...” She opened her mouth, as if to continue saying something, but a smile stopped her mouth and she gazed contentedly at Eren. Slightly creepy, Eren found. _

_ “And…?” he prompted her, growing more and more uncomfortable the longer her gaze was trained on him. It felt like she was running ways to take him apart in her brain. Probably not too far from the truth, actually. _

_ She startled, as if woken from a trance. Maybe she really was a bit too old. “And… oh Eren, dear, do you want to read a book for me?” _

_ Eren growled in frustration. _

_ “Oh, oh. Okay,” Hanji said, nodding wisely as if she had totally understood the non-existent words that had come out of Eren’s mouth. _

_ “And absolutely in love.” _

Those four words constantly ran in his mind, day after day, year after year, life after life. Never leaving him, always reminding him, always pushing him forward.

He was, too.

A quiet voice interrupted his thoughts. A brunette girl, late twenties and blushing, had apparently asked him a question and was nervously awaiting an answer. White coat, name tag around neck… another intern, by the looks of it. She seemed vaguely familiar, somehow.

“Sorry, can you repeat your question?” Eren asked. She looked up and Eren caught sight of her name. Hannah.  _ Hannah. _

“Uhm, I was just wondering if you had seen the rest of my group… They said they’d meet me at the coffee machines on this floor but I can’t seem to find them?” she said it in a question, as if she herself was unsure as to whether or not she was unable to find her friends.

“Ah, just keep going down this hallway and turn left - you can’t miss them, they’ll be chattering away,” Eren said, smiling a bit to try and ease this nervous new intern.

A new voice came behind him.

“Hannah, how did you even get lost, this floor isn’t even that big.” Eren turned around fast enough to give himself a whiplash at this voice.

The girl laughed a bit sheepishly. “I think I turned a bit early, and uhm-” the new voice dropped his bag as he saw Eren’s face, scattering several binders and pens all over the floor “-are you alright? Do you two know each other?”

Eren turned back to give a sweet smile to Hannah, face pale enough to give away that he wasn’t doing very well. “Why don’t you go find your friends? I’ll make sure he catches up later.” He thought about that, and shook his head. “Actually, scratch that, I think I’ll be taking up the rest of his night.” Hannah looked confused, but scampered off down the hallway.

He turned back to the male standing behind him, papers still lying on the floor. “So,” Eren began. “You going to pick up your papers? They’re going to get dirty. And heaven forbid anything you own get dirty.” His light, teasing voice didn’t match his face - it looked like he might cry at any given moment.

“This is a hospital. If they get dirty, then you guys aren’t doing a good enough job of keeping the wards sanitized,” came the snarky reply, though it shook. Just a bit, but the tremor was still there.

Even as he said that, though, he had already started to bend down and pick them all up, quickly and efficiently. Eren bent down to help him.

After the things were all picked up, Eren couldn’t take it anymore. He spoke up.

“Hey, please don’t tell me that I’m the only one that’s about to have several heart problems, collapse to the ground, and probably burst into tears. It’s,” Eren gulped, trying to steady his voice, “it’s not just me, right?”

“Of course it isn’t, brat.”

Later on, Eren would think about it - whether it had been that endearing name Levi had given him, or the confirmation that he wasn’t the only one - and wouldn’t be able to decide what had done it. What had broken the floodgates.

Through the liquid happiness and relief and love that seemed to be streaming from out of his eyes, Eren took a good, long look at the young man in front of him. Younger than him, still shorter. Just as pale, just as perfect.

“I’m pretty sure,” he managed to gasp out through the tears, “that I’m older than you now. Which means you should stop calling me brat.”

Levi swiped at his eyes, quick enough to pass it off as just ‘something in his eyes.’

“Who’s going to stop me,  _ brat _ ? I have too many lifetimes to make up for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay y'all it's _the end_ I guess?? Man writing this whole fic had been a rollercoaster, and while I can't say I enjoyed it all, I did have fun for the most part. This is also the longest fic I have written so far! Thank you all who stuck to the end! Much love, hugs, and candy for y'all  <33

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: This fic had originally been planned to be a oneshot. A _4k_ oneshot.
> 
> But then I saw the EBB thing and well, obviously, this did not end up being a oneshot, nor did it end up being 4k.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments - man, especially comments - are EXTREMELY APPRECIATED. To those who comment - y'all are my new favourite people.
> 
> Credits to [@farmlandtensions](http://farmlandtensions.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for the original idea of this fic, though I tweaked it quite a bit XP


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